Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Which came first? Passion or Compassion?!

Which came first? Were you PASSIONATE about something... or did you find that COMPASSION moved you to where you ended up... and THEN became passionate?

I must say that I never meant to offend anyone when proclaiming what I believe... my beliefs are my research.... it is a work in progress.

I've been having lots of playdates lately... A girlfriend called me today to make sure she hadn't offended me with something she said. Sleep deprived and sweaty I didnt notice. But when she asked me, she brought up another point.

Last week 4 of us got together with our 4 babies - 2 have done circumcisions, 2 had started selective vax, 1 was on track with vax, 1 has not yet started vax. Some of us started talking about vaccinating... and the one that was on track apparently felt like we were saying that our studies were superior and it made her feel like a bad mom.


Another girlfriend of mine called me several weeks ago and said she respected my SELECTIVE stance, but "by all means, get the flu shot...." I kindly told her ~ "No thank you. You need to get it, you are a nurse.. I am a stay at home mom... We will be OK."

And I meant it, which made me feel bad for making someone think we considered her a "bad mommy." Of course it is not an easy decision, but it is YOUR decision. You are no better or worse of mom than myself for makign a choice for your family.

I would HATE for anyone to assume that my opinions are anything more than simply opinions. No mom takes on the job and thinks.. "hey, I want to hurt my baby."

Sometimes our passion for a topic not only over shadows our friend's concerns... but blinds us from realizing we may be hurting them.

So which came first? Your own Passion for a subject or the need to feel Compassion for others?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Of course I have a job. I'm a mom.

A woman, renewing her Drivers' License at the Motor Registration Office, was asked by the counter clerk to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the counter clerk, "do you have a job or are you just a ...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Medicare Office.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid-air, looking up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mum." Motherhood!

What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

To My Child (Just For Today)

Just for this morning I am going to smile when I see your face, and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning I will let you wake up softly in your flannel p.j.'s and hold you until you are ready to stir.

Just for this morning I will let you choose what you want to wear, and I will say how beautiful you are.

Just for this morning I will step over the laundry to pick you up, and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle together.

Just for this afternoon I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the garden blowing bubbles.

Just for this afternoon I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one, if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or how you might have been before your diagnosis.

Just for this afternoon I will let you help me make cookies, and I won't stand over you....trying to fix things.

Just for this afternoon I will take you to McDonalds and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have two toys.

Just for this evening I will hold you in my arms and tell you the story of how you were born and how much we love you.

Just for this evening I will let you splash in the bathtub, and I won't get angry when you pour water outside the tub.

Just for this evening I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch swing and count all the stars.

Just for this evening I will bring you glasses of water and snuggle beside you for hours and miss my favourite TV show.

Just for this evening, when I run my fingers through your hair as I pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you goodnight, I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing.... except just one more day.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A touchy subject

Let me just get it out of my system to say that personally I believe that circumcision is barbaric. That being said, it is common place and actually quite a lot easier to keep clean than the connected foreskin.

So I was reading this article about it and the history of it and found this VERY interesting...
Once upon a time, circumcision was thought to reduce masturbation as well as cancer and mental disorders – but this has all been thoroughly disproven. In Western medicine, it gained popularity during the turn of the 20th century, and was usually performed without anaesthesia. At this time, it was considered to be a sign of social status, as it indicated a baby was birthed by a doctor rather than a midwife, indicating a 'well-to-do' willy. These spurious claims and social conventions started to drop in popularity during the 20th century, then in 1971, the Australian Paediatric Association adopted an anti-circumcision policy after disproving many of the false medical beliefs. It is not covered by Medicare.
Where to start with any of this?!?!

First of all masturbation!? REALLY!?!? That starts while they are still in diapers, has nothing to do with being clipped or not. And why should any person be denied the ability to make themselves feel good. Sure there is a time and place for everything, but they learn that just like they learn their ABCs.. and at about the same time.

Without anesthesia... what part of this doesn't scream barbaric!? They use a topical pain reliever cream these days, but don't tell me it doesn't hurt even then. I don't have one and never have, but I scream bullsh!t.

I HAVE a midwife... And I am PROUD to have a midwife!! I HAVE a doula... And I am PROUD to say that she is getting certified as a licensed midwife and I couldn't be happier for her! If circumcision is a "social status" thing... that no one will ever see except (hopefully) his future wife.. then I would rather a social status of a tattoo on his forehead saying "Gently Born at Home."

Oh and NO insurance.. not just medicare, covers it. $250 out of pocket. Period.

All this being said... there are bigger issues to fight over. Vax!? Yeah, so I handed this decision over to daddy. I tried to encourage him to study how it is done and the different type of instruments, even tried to get him to watch the videos. None of those things happened and I stood in the waiting room unable to hold my baby's hand while he was screaming bloody murder for being away from his mommy at 1-day-old for the first time ever while being strapped down and cut, unable to tell us if the topical cream was really working or not... and there was nothing I could do. He's alive and he is healthy. And THAT is the bigger picture, and probably the outcome to either direction we could have gone. It is such a touchy and personal decision. And both choices SUCK.

::steps off soap box::