Sleep parchance to dream

I have read everything. I have listened to everyone. I agree with all of it. I am doing what I need to do.

I am a member of a very natural mommy group. We believe in gentle discipline and sleep. We babywear forever, nurse until they self wean and co-sleep as long as we can stand it. Yeah, my mommy friends would disown me if they saw this post.

What works for some, and seems so cozy-wonderful-ideal-euphoric, doesn't work for everyone. I find myself recently telling mommys to ignore all advice (even from me) and do what works best for them and (key) NEVER second guess it! Mommy always knows best!

Admission: After a 11 day "vacation" (for everyone except mommy) sleep was a foreign word... foreign and 4-letter all sounded the same by then. A mommy never gets vacation. A daddy-vacation means he doesnt have to wake up at 2am... for work... OR FOR BABY.

By the time we got home, Mommy wanted to be adopted.

She promised to be very good, clean her plate and sleep through the night.

There were no takers.

Besides, who would nurse the (nearly) 17 month old?

Suddenly an angel called me. Well not quite, she's kinda this ridiculously amazing mom with 2 children that read by 3 and potty train by 2 and are super duper polite... but she called me (originally to babysit) and told me "LET THAT BABY SLEEP".... dont you think I would? I mean really. I am not running in there with a bull horn to wake him up every hour because it makes the entire day more exciting. I WOULD let him sleep... if he would.

I have learned from some incredible women to go to sleep gently. So if he wakes up crying, he might be scared and need a hug and a rock and 30 minutes of nursing. That is a problem when it is every.single.hour (or 2.) So when my neck started hurting enough (2 weeks home from vacation - still not sleeping) from sleeping and nursing in the glider, I brought him back to bed.

Background:
By 3 months we had him in his crib. We were completely OK with co-sleeping, LOVED IT!!! But that was for ME. I loved it for ME. I wanted him to be OK in his bed... for HIM. We succeeded. But every new tooth or every growth spurt or every vacation we were screwed! Recently I have been longing for a new baby, my thyroid medications (after a totally thyroidectomy due to cancer 1/7/11) are regulated, we are in a good spot and Atlas is getting big... I have cut back on pumping (from 45oz EXTRA -Atlas doesnt drink saved milk -  a day to 6oz) Then we went on vacation and >poof< he is nursing all night long and my supply is back! I seriously pumped over 20 oz one morning in the past few weeks. But Aunt Flow hasn't visited in over 2 years!!! This kid HAS to sleep through the night... and I HAVE to stop pumping.

It has been 3 days since I have pumped... not so fun.
BUT.. it has been over a week that Atlas has been sleeping.

Back to LETTING HIM SLEEP.
I let him sleep... however the first night he chose not to. 5:20am I checked on him and my heart broke into a bajillion pieces!!! He was sitting up in the corner of his crib with his head down, playing with his fingers. It was so sad. But I was determined to teach him that we are NOT getting up before 6am ever again! He didn't sleep that night and the daytime sucked... but I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

My girlfriend assured me that those would be the hardest 3 nights of my life.... I was too exhausted. I knew my kid was dry, fed full, safe and unable to crawl out... I was not going back in until 6am. By night #3, he didnt get back up. I heard him over the monitor... he would cry for 2 minutes and then go back to sleep. Trust me, I was sitting up on the edge of the bed ready to do something, not sure what... but he was crying so I was not ALLOWED to be asleep.

My precious baby has spent the entire last week going to bed around 8pm and waking up at 6am.

So to all my crunchy mommys who think that makes a person a BAD parent... kiss it! We have never had such great sleep and he will never remember it! I half kid. I appreciate all the advice and encouragement I have gotten... but dang... it was not what worked here.

Disclaimer: What works for US, doesn't work for everyone.... but when you get to a  point, you will do anything. We were there.... because HE was there.