Sunday, January 1, 2012
Last January 7th I had my entire stinking Thyroid completely removed because there was this hard bead of cancer in it. The cancer did not spread. It was completely encapsulated. My doctor had not been concerned with it as it hadnt grown in the past 3 years... it was smooth and symmetrical and did resemble anything that seemed like cancer.
Well, my son was about 7 or 8 months old and I got excited about the thought of having another baby in the next year so I went back and got it checked out again... I told her I wasn't comfortable with it and I wanted it REALLY checked out, not just us feeling it. I had an ultrasound and a biopsy and everything said that the cells looked concerning but they couldnt tell if it was cancerous. It had to be removed.
I was a WRECK. PMS, pregnancy, adolescence... nothing had every taken a toll on me like the stress and fear of this surgery that would forever change my life... "Just in case" it was cancer. I got 4 follow up doctors to look at my charts. I was ready for more biopsies so that they werent re-reading the same stupid chart and quoting off the same thing the last doctor had said. I had infact cancelled the surgery 3 days before they were going to do it. I had found peace knowing that it wasnt cancer and we were all being over eager to "explore."
Obvioulsy that didnt last. My husband was at wits end with me and told me it was not an option and that he and my baby needed me and this was just part of what needed to be done. I closed my eyes, held my breath, prayed an awful lot and jumped. I seriously just thought if I breathed deep and closed my eyes I would never even notice.
I spent an extra night in the hospital (away from my 9 month old) because I was not ready physically to return to my responsibilities and I knew I would want to jump right in if I walked in that door.
The week before Christmas 2011... I saw my endo and she once again brings up radiation. My 6 month ultrsound didnt show ANY regrowth, but since I got pregnant, I have been off my Citomel (a higher T3) for about 10 weeks and in that time a nodule (5mm) had grown. The marble like bump that was removed before was also 5mm.
So I am scared that it is growing back, not the cancer, I am certain with all my heart that that will never come back, but they have to stop my thyroid from growing back bc it doesnt function and wont grow back right if it does... I dont want them to reopen my neck to take it out again. They did a good job not injuring my parathyroid, I dont want to risk them ruining them too.
The endocrinologist wants me to have another biopsy in July after my baby is born. She also wants me to have radiation to make sure to kill off any loose and floating around thyroid cells... any strays can cause the cancer to regrow elsewhere in my body. (Except mine was encapsulated and is NOT growing back - sigh) If I have radiation, I will have to be away from my family, including the newborn for 2-3 WEEKS, and breast feeding will be out of the question.... as will likely future children.
I told my endo I would revisit the RAI (radiation) talks after my birthing years were done. I have always wanted 3 kids.
So that is where I am at now. Scared again. Not wanting to really open up and talk about it too much. Kinda in denial.
I have this really amazing life that I dont deserve, but I cherish and it just seems like a cruel joke to have stupid crap like this interfere. That is what it is CRAP!
So.. did YOU know your thyroid can grow back? Apparently its kinda like your liver. Weird.