Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Heimlich saved her life

I'm a pro. I don't want to be, but I am.

Heimlich. Learn it. If you have ever played with kids, babysat, birthed kids, seen kids in the park, if you know what a kid is... learn it. I have used it no less than 5 times.

Today was the worst one.

I don't let my kids eat in the car, much less candy. I can't turn around to get them if they start coughing without wrecking and killing us all, so no. When my 6 year old handed my 4 year old a hard peppermint on the way out of Vacation Bible School, he asked if they could eat it yet. I told them absolutely not in the car, but if they would wait until the water park, then they could eat it before getting into the water. No complaints at all. They know my rules. They have both also almost died from choking before. The first time was here... AWFUL! Since then we have choked on kale, hotdogs, and clover to name a few. The clover wasn't even my kid, but I snatched him up and somehow got it out. 

We are walking from one side of the water park to the other to get to the wave pool and I am dragging the little one along, trying to keep up with the big one and then the little one STOPS. I look at her and her eyes are drifting off and the hand I had been holding moves to her chest. I tried to get eye contact, but she just kept opening her mouth.

Then I stepped out of my body and watched myself ball up my fist and, since she is so tiny, I had her whole body weight pressing down on my fists while I bounced her especially hard onto my fists. Up and down a full 3 times. I have no idea when I realized what I was doing was actually me and not just me seeing myself do it... I just knew I was doing it... but I felt like I was watching myself. That image is strangely ingrained even though I know it was not a real image.

It felt like an eternity and I didn't know if I was doing it right or not. I just kept wondering why no one was running over to help. I had tunnel vision and I think the 6 year old was walking in circles around us. I looked up to see a table with 3 teenage girls watching... but no adults or (Heaven forbid) lifeguard rushing over.

I later asked my son and he said that no one looked over other than a little girl that was walking by.

I set my baby girl down and turned her towards me, she was still coughing and crying. Thank God she was crying... she was breathing. Cry away. We hugged. I figured it had gone past her windpipe. Then she started gagging again and coughing and I thought for sure it would get caught again. Instead she threw it up into her mouth and I almost lost it again. I reached for it and leaned her forward and then she spit it (and a lot of gunk) into my hand.

Of course the 6 year old old was like, "ew gross... do you see what she just did?" I threw it in the nearby trash and still no one stopped or looked or asked if everything was OK. I must have sat there hugging her for 5 minutes while she wept and tears drizzled down my cheek. I was shaky and suddenly drenched in sweat, but so happy that she was OK. I saved her life. What if I hadn't known what to do or where to press? I wouldn't be sitting right here typing, that is for sure.

This was taken after leaving the wavepool...
so about 45 minutes after nearly dying. 

Kids are terrifying. They are gross, stinky, mean, filter-less, manipulative, part-barbarian, narcissistic, and the most wonderful gift from God. Thanking God extra tonight. 

More resources you should watch and then save:
American Red Cross
How to do INFANT CPR
How to do ADULT CPR

Disclaimer: I am not a life saver person. I have no qualifications other than my own life experiences. I am not endorsing anyone or claiming anything. Everything you learn should be from your own research and experience. Learn everything. And the FDA has not said that anything I have said will cure, treat, or prevent anything. All opinions are mine. 

Sunday, December 7, 2014

My personal dōJOURNEY

Way back in 1979 my mom was over 4 weeks late (She says 5 weeks) to birth me, but when I was ready I shot out and the doctor had to run catch me. That is what I hear, I don't remember. Since then I have always dove head first into life. Sometimes a little too fast.
I am Heather Hazen. Bob and I got married in Orlando 6 years ago. Atlas was born at home in 2010. The midwife barely made it in time. His story is HERE. 27 months later Aria arrived. This time the midwife took me more seriously and came immediately. Aria was born after 2 or 3 pushes, this time we managed to actually get the pool set up. Her story is HERE. She was 2 weeks old when we packed up and moved to Pittsburgh.
I homebirth, babywear, don't vax, co-sleep, use elimination communication, tried to cloth diaper, did baby led weaning, nurse FOREVER or until the toddler tells me he or she is done, all the "crunchy" I can think of to try to stay healthy, so it was a natural progression for me to throw out all of our OTC medications and turn strictly to essential oils. I do believe there is a place for modern medicine and prescription drugs. I had thyroid cancer and now have no thyroid, there is not an oil for that, therefore I take a daily prescription. I am grateful for modern medicine when we truly need it!
Just over a year ago I started my JOURNEY into pure essential oils. Before then, I wondered why my humidifier melted each year... turns out my oils were destroying them. There are a few times that come to mind when I think of when I was "WOWed" by my oils. Being from Florida, ice and snow is not something I am used to living in. I had a slip and fall just outside my house while the family played inside. I can see it in slow motion, both feet, same time, flew out in front of me, I landed, banged my butt and barely missed banging my head. The phone in my hand flew away and broke into 3 pieces. I muffled out a few "help me"s and couldn't yell loud enough to make a difference. I somehow found the strength to slowly hobble inside and face-plant the couch. My husband started using dōTERRA oils on me immediately and every 15 minutes. Within 2 hours I was able to walk. I was sore for probably a week. I could also tell you about the time my whole family had the flu for 48 hours... but that is boring, we sat on the couch and didn't move; we just oiled each other every 30 minutes. I think we watched Frozen 8 times.
I started sharing my dōTERRA oils before I knew I was sharing them. Within the first month of getting my kit, 2 of my friends heard that I was using them and both immediately signed up under me. I worried I would have to sound pitchy to sell the oils. I was wrong. I barely mentioned it and people start asking questions. I love to talk about them, so I will take the time to help give them any information they are looking for. I really love that if I ever have a question, I can ask one of my up-lines and get information immediately. I also LOVE calling dōTERRA's customer service! They are so friendly and knowledgeable. Every time I get off the phone with them, I wish I worked there.
In under a year my oils were paying for themselves. I am not a sales person kind of girl. We don't have any extra money, so assuming other people do is not happening. I have never encouraged any of the larger enrollment kits, but I have had several people pretty much demand that is the kit they are getting and they go on to do LRP each month. It's hard not to fall in love with your oils. It has been so easy to get my oils paid for that I hope one day it becomes a second income. But again... without being pushy. Look how word has spread so fast!! I have people asking every day! All I have to do is share and give them samples. The oils do all the work.
I am Heather Hazen. I am an Executive with dōTERRA. My Wellness Advocate # is 641187

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Today I fell on my back, thanks snow covered ice. Pray please.

I had my first fall on ice. OMGGGGGGGGoodness I was in such pain that I laid in the snow (there was ice UNDER IT!!!) and just moaned and hoped someone anyone heard me. I was in my driveway. This happened at 4:09pm. I dont know how long I laid there on my back. Felt like 10 minutes. I got very cold.
I had a fight or flight moment and somehow managed to get up. I was in so much pain I didnt even cry. I thought I had broken my hip or my tailbone. Still not completely sure I havent. I got inside and was kept saying "Bob, I fell, I fell." over and over and over. He helped me to the couch where I fell on my face and laid there for almost 2 hours. We iced, we used Essential Oils, we iced, more E.O.s. Aria wanted to nurse and I about died trying to find a way to sit up. When Bob went to help me back to laying down I thought for sure my hip was broken. I have Spina Bifida Occulta (sounds awful, but 1/3rd of the world has it, you all just never find it without an injury... I broke a bone in my back at 12 years old in gymnastics) and Spondylolisthesis. THE LAST THING I NEED is to injure my lower back more. A few minutes ago I was able to get up and walk a little. I am feeling a bit better than I was just after it happened, so I am praying to God that I only bruised it.

We considered going to the ER, but we dont qualify for indigent and we are almost paycheck to paycheck right now.... oh and then there are the holidays were you are required to spend more money... and the gas to travel next week. ::headdesk:: I truly believe the EOs have been helping, but I am still in a fair amount of pain. My neighbor is a Physical Therapist and I texted him, he offered to come over tonight, but I went from paralysis to walking 7 steps and decided we would wait until tomorrow when we could actually have an "appointment" not just abuse our neighbor, if I needed to be seen.

PLEASE pray for me that this is just a deep bruise. I am not even concerned with not being able to jog for a while, and if you know me, you know how much I depend on my daily run. I just dont want to have hurt my back :'(

I also have that whole thyroid thing going on that I posted about in the facebook group... but really, this seriously trumps it right now.

Thanks In Advance for the prayers <3 span="">

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

First LLL meeting in Pittsburgh after our move

I went to LLL today.

Met the lady who I emailed with 3 months ago (yep checked the email date) she is one of the 3 leaders. She remembered me, which made me feel better... She was sweet and right around my age with a 4 and 2 year old who liked to rough house... she had her own issues of keeping them calm without loosing it... she was NOT like Jenn and just chilled out with her kids doing their thing. Might have had something to do with her boys screaming...

Atlas behaved mostly... it was neat to watch him. He was nervous. HE kept coming back to me and pointing to the kids he "WANTED" to play with and getting reassurance from me. YES!!! GO PLAY!

There is another little girl there born on Aria's birth date. Pretty little thing :) Her mom and I exchanged numbers and facebooks.

I feel so stupid... like had *I* not been the outgoing one... then I never would have met ANYONE!

The tandem meeting is 2 Tuesdays away. They corrected me an said it was mostly TODDLER nursing... There needs to be more clarification and Orlando needs a Tandem group STAT! (Cindy) Apparently it is kinda common... well in bubbles like ours.

I cried when I left, with 2 kids strapped on me, headed up a busy-ish in-town road up (the hill) to my car, which was parked in front of a town home (that was 3 stories tall and the lady coming out said the only parking rules were that street sweepers came on such and such day) .. and then realizing that the kid parked on the sidewalk went first, and luckily the road wasnt busy when #2 little went in... All I really have to say is thank God for GPS. really.

Life is an adventure and I am just holding on with eyes closed... except when a road is involved.

I dont think I want a 3rd kid. But I REALLY mourn pregnancy and birth.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Aria Luka Hazen - Born Friday June 22nd - after 2 pushes and 3 minutes

And suddenly we were 4... no really. In about 3 minutes...

I had had 4 random days (within 2 weeks) of contractions after I started losing my plug (starting Wednesday June 6th.) I didnt lose my plug with Atlas until the morning of the day I went into labor (and lost it all at once) and since Atlas' birth was so fast I immediately went on high alert with Aria and summoned my first time mom instincts that I had skipped the first time around.... EACH time I started having contractions.

*Contractions - Saturday June 9th what might have been 37 weeks and 3/4 days [Atlas' bake timer], but according to US it was still 36 weeks

*Contractions - Sunday June 10th
Then (June 14th) Bob went out of town to buy a house in PA and Mom came into town and watched Atlas for me so I could go out for my birthday (June 15th) (OOT). After I dropped Bob off at the airport, I headed to Kelli's and she checked me. I was 2 cm and 40% effaced. That made me a little nervous to be closer, but I knew I would NOT give birth without Bob by my side. I didnt make this kid alone, I wasnt laboring and birthing without hi!

*Contractions - Sunday June 17th, Bob was back in town that morning

*Contractions - Thursday June 21st, this was the longest at 7 hours. I went to see Kelli Friday morning June 22nd to get her to check me...I was finally 4 cm and almost effaced, but she laughed at my eagerness.

Each of these times I had alerted my closest 51 friends, no really, we are a super duper tight mommy-clique and they were all promising to be AT my house if I went into labor and Bob was not there... and I know for a fact that 90% of them would have been. Heck, they would have shown up if given permission even if he were there. We are kinda birth freaks in that kind of way.

So on Friday, June 22nd I wasnt too concerned that this was finally for real. However we had dinner and I had trouble sitting... which was what happened when I was in labor with Atlas and didnt know it. After dinner we went for a long walk... walked twice around the subdivision, stopping to throw my head under the handle bar every 2 minutes and 30 seconds for a total of 35 seconds. While they were consistent, they were not the 5-1-1 you read about.

I alerted my midwife, Kelli Johnson, before we went walking that I was having contractions yet again. She said to shower and see what happened... but we went for a walk instead, I could shower later. I recall LOVING the heated spray on my lower back during labor with Atlas. I told Kelli the walk had regulated them.

 I talked a few times to my girls on facebook about when they actually called their midwife to head over... some waited until the got in their birth tubs, others much earlier, I have fast labors and my midwife had her granddaughter at the bounce houses at Monkey Joe's... so if this was another false alert I was just a royally bad person.

I posted a screen shot of the contraction timer on my phone and then left the computer with the ladies all calling for a webcam and lighting their candles. I realized things were slowing down again because I was on facebook and damn it I was going to make this night #5 (of false labor) if I was not careful. So I got off facebook and started texting my point of contact with these girls, SarahB, from the floor of the bathroom between contractions that had me rocking on the floor on all 4s. At one point I got a text from Kelli saying she was calling the birth team. It was 9pm.

I took a shower, shaved my legs, washed my hair, put on mascara (something I had vowed to do before Atlas' birth too, but alas missed) and got out of the shower to my birth team walking through the door and suddenly crumbling over to the floor again for a contraction.
I remember hearing them and thinking if it happened right here do you think they'd notice, I was behind the bedroom door with it closed. I got through that contraction. Its amazing how much you can get done between contractions! I jumped up, threw on clothes, opened the door... and *BAM* back on the floor rocking while they hardly noticed and went about setting things up. Several times Chylain or Sharon would come over and squeeze on my hips, opening them up and releasing pressure. Most of the time that felt good, sometimes I didnt want to be touched.

Kelli checked me again, threw her head down and laughed. I got so frustrated - "WHAT?! Did I really not progress at all?!!?" "Oh no, you are at 8cm! You are just in too good of mood, no one is this happy at 8 cm :)"

10pm - Immediately Bob was calling mom - GET HERE NOW.

I had been texting and calling my photographer since the middle of the day but not reached her. So my last reach out to my little friends in the computer was to get Erin Monroe on her way over. When she had learned of us moving to Pittsburgh 2 weeks after the baby was set to arrive (or 5 days after my due date, but I was getting her out before then!) she was eager to get to be a part, but I didnt want to change my plans too much so I asked if it was OK to have her on backup. She was more than happy. Bob was calling her, my girls were texting and facebooking her. (She took most of these pics)

Chylain and Sharon were filling up the birthing tub, Kelli was doing whatever it was she does between knitting a baby hat and birthing a kid and Bob was getting Atlas to watch Cars.
I asked when was it normal to get in the birth tub and they said I could get in at any point. The water was too hot the first time I tried to get in, a few minutes later it was perfect. I asked if people normally get in with underwear on or go ahead and strip down. Chylain said its hard to birth a kid through underwear, but I was feeling modest for a split second.

11pm - I had Bob turn on Indigo Girls, he apparently also turned on the webcam to video. I later found out he had cameras set up around the room for quick access.
11:19 - The ladies were all watching Cars in the living room with Atlas, Kelli was busy knitting. I let out a slightly panicked moan when I felt a hard contraction and heard Kelli say "it's time, let's get in there." They all came in and started taking heart rates and compressing my hips.
Bob and Atlas were squatted near around talking to me and playing with the water. I reached down and could feel the head. The contractions got even closer together and I realized Kelli had given me space as we had discussed, but I cried for her to come help. She felt the head and told me I was doing fine. I remember needing to bare down and telling her "No no no no no, I'm not ready." She told me, "Yes you are." Just that simple. I had been waiting for this and she was right, I WAS ready. The dog barked and Bob thought someone was at the door, Kelli demanded, "Forget the door. Get back here." I kept thinking it might be Mom. It wasn't the door, just the crazy dog.
11:21 - I heard myself get loud and focused so hard to tone it down deep. I would not scream, I would have the lowest "OOOOOO" I could have. It gave me a focus. OOOOOO was to OOOOpen my cervix up and allow my baby to slide out like "butter." The dog started barking, Atlas burst into tears, Bob hugged him and they just watched.

I OOOOpened and Kelli said, "Head is out." I felt and then did not stop pushing. It didn't even hurt after that point, it was pressure. She slid out. I flipped over. They say it was so fast that this next pic is from a cell phone and that they actually missed the "coming out party"but she was on my chest a split second later. I kinda wish I had let her swim around for a few seconds.
Kelli - "She's out, She's out."
Bob - "Pick her up! Get her"
I rolled over and lifted her to my chest.
She was out.
It was 11:24pm.
I was in disbelief. "She's out?! Really?" I knew I was holding her, but I couldn't believe here she was.
The girls started draining the pool to get the water level low enough for her to nurse. At 3 different times Kelli asked if we were ready to cut the cord, I said no, I wanted to try to birth the placenta before cutting it.
Contractions had continued after her birth, that happens for several days. During one of those contractions, the placenta folded and was able to be guided out in one beautiful piece. I dont remember the reasoning that we finally agreed to clamp it other than the cord had stretched and was empty of pretty much every drop of blood possible. It was later partially dried and encapsulated and half of it was tinctured by Full Circle and Amanda Johnson.

I dont remember when we announced her name, but Aria was handed to Bob and I was helped to the shower. That hot water felt so good cleaning my body. I got out and Kelli checked me and needed to give me 2 little stitches. While lying in full glory my mom (ARRIVES) knocks and goes to open the door. I tell her I will be out in a moment. I was so happy Mom had made it, sad it was a little late, but she was here! Once I was cleaned up I went and cuddled with my family and fed Aria.

Kelli took Aria's weight (7lb 5oz) and head size (13.5in just like Atlas) and chest (13in just like Atlas) and waist (13.5in just like Atlas) and length (19.5 or 20in, shorter than Atlas). They all laughed when she started doing her foot prints, her little cold purple feet were turned pink with ink, but then back to blue when wiped clean. BUT... this might have been the pinkest baby ever born to Kelli and her birth team! My child was hot pink! The camera does not lie.... that is pretty much accurate.

 baby booty!

As Kelli was filling out the birth card, the middle name was asked and Bob agreed to Luka immediately. He has his "Luke-I-am-your-father" baby now. And I have my beautiful song baby.

I took a few pictures with my birth team when they were done cleaning up and a few with my mom.

The ladies left a little after 1am and the photographer a short time later. We sat up doing nothing but talking. Bob took Atlas, who had been up without a nap all night, to bed, laid him down and Atlas passed out within seconds. Then we got Mom set up on the couch (which in my defense is super comfy) moezzied on to bed. Aria did not sleep well.

Atlas woke up at 6:30am and I brought him back to our bed to see his baby sister. Mom spent the first part of the day with us and then went home. ... and the babymoon began.
I knew that you magically just get more love when you have a new child, but to be honest, I felt my heart double in size. I didnt just suddenly LOVE this child, I suddenly loved everyone... a.lot.more.

Oh, and unlike Atlas' birth... I was out jogging Friday morning :) I never stopped.

.. and then the Oxycitocin wore off, we moved 1000 miles away to Pittsburgh (from Orlando), and I struggled through a short bought of PPD. But around 8 weeks I recognized signs and am still able to fight it off.

Today we are golden. I truly feel like I have *survived*.

Friday, May 11, 2012

AP is the life for me.... and why!

Not even sure why this is controversial. In my bubble of mommies we believe that children no matter how little are people who deserve respect, but also learn differently and we need to care for them tenderly to grow them into healthy well adjusted children.

Attachment Parenting (AP) relies on several very distinct parenting choices. Not to say that you must excel at each of them or even incorporate them all. Whether you choose to AP or not doesnt decide if you are an outstanding parent or not. It is simply a way to parent that works for us. And whatever works for *YOU* and your family is what you should do.

Here are some AP styles we incorporate and why.

Breastfeeding - DAMN SKIPPY. My child has been sick twice. When my husband or myself has been sick, my awesome body has faught with the strength of an active healthy adult to make me well.. and all those wonderful, natural, healthy antibodies went straight to my child who never caught what I had. Plus its cheaper and safer than store bought chemical laced powder. I know what is in it. And children who are nursed tend to grow up to be healthier with healthier BMIs and stronger immune systems

EXTENDED breast feeding - yep, we still do it. I technically tandem nursed the entire time... I pumped and donated 13K ounces while nursing my baby. That is the equivalent of feeding 3 babies a year! My child didnt have any solid foods for the first 9 months bc I wanted to make sure he had complete gut closure so he could avoid some of those nasty food allergies that sooo many children get due to food being introduced too early, yes, even baby cereal at 4,5,6 months. I quit pumping to get pregnant and immediately got lucky! I have since STILL been tandem nursing... I nurse my 25 month old as I grow my new baby. No one is lacking and momma gets to indulge in a little more food that normal to keep up with all this nutrition I am producing. I dont have a timeline or a date that I plan to stop nursing my son. When he is ready I will be too. He almost weaned himself at 23 months old... then he changed his mind. I know we wont always have this bonding experience, so I am OK with it as long as he is. However, new baby will come first very soon ;-)

Co-sleeping - We did it. We couldnt keep it up after he started rolling around b/c the dog also... CO-SLEEPS with us and would likely eat the child. When my child was new, the only way I could expect to get any sleep was to co-sleep and let him nurse whenever he needed it. A nursed baby needs to eat every 2 hours... ya see, breastmilk is the perfect baby food and is digested perfectly so it doesnt sit and sour in the childs belly... so when it is digested, little baby is hungry again. I enjoyed the firs 3 months of mommyhood and I did it well rested. Women who tend not to get enough sleep during that difficult transition also are at higher risk of suffering from PPD. And that is not good for any one.

Baby wearing - STILL DO IT! My child is a runner and sometimes it is just not a good situation to have him "loose" in. When we are in a store, I dont have to worry about leaving my child in the cart, he is on my back, happy and looking over my shoulder. When he was an infant I was able to keep up with housework which helped me feel like a productive member of my family. Plus it is fun to carry him with free hands. We do plenty of park activities and I play with him a LOT, so it isnt like I am keeping him confined. He likes being worn :) Plus, there are some really stylish and fun wraps you can use!

Baby Led Weaning - This is where instead of buying the shelf stable baby purees you actually wait until your child is interesting in EATING, like a real person and then letting them explore food. It's messy and the food doesnt really stay in their mouth in the beginning. But that is OK. They are exploring textures and flavorings. For our family, we chose to wait until our child was 9 months old to begin to let him explore foods. All of his cousins have food allergies, not for any reason their parents caused, but there are ways to help deter those allergies. One of those ways is to ensure Gut closure. A baby's intestines are not fully developed when they are born... and they take a different length of time to fully strengthen and "close." When you have full "gut closure" a child will better be able to fully digest the food it eats. Otherwise particles of food can cause irritation and infections and furthermore, allergies. I'm not exactly sure of the science behind all of it, but I do know the only thing our child has ever had an allergy to was Feta Cheese, and we gave him that soft cheese far too early. I think the first real food Atlas enjoyed was steak. This is one smart kid!

Several sites that are talking about this:
Time Magazine
Further info from Time Magazine
more possitive articles
Healthline on Time
Today Show info on Time 
Breastfeeding a 3 year old IS normal
Positive notes on the Huffington Post

"[It's] really ironic that at a time when the news is full of stories about moms who neglect their kids, who don't feed them or tan them against their will, that somehow we're entitled to judge the people who are spending too much time with their kids in a positive way."

"Above all else, Ford said her family practices attachment parenting, which *includes* breastfeeding beyond the recommended one year mark, but *it's not her rule book*. *She does tell her children no*, she and her husband go on date nights, and she doesn't feel like the young ones are running the household." 

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Here we go-ohhohh

Not sure what this year will bring. I know I will be having a baby. She has to come out. But beyond that I really dont know what else this year will bring.

We've been offered a new job in a new state. Problem being that we are expecting a baby in the next 6-7 weeks and they want him there in 3 or 4 weeks.

We have planned a beautiful home birth, we have the tub, the midwife, the photographer... I've had the Blessingway, my ladies have their ceremonial cords and are waiting to hear about the birth, rush over, bring food, cuddle the baby and cut the yarn off their arms.

Moving is long and tedious... it takes packing, unpacking, figuring out where everything is... lifting, heavy lifting, carrying.... all things I would be useless at before and after baby.

If hubby goes early, or rather, when they want him, then we risk me birthing without him. I could go with him, but finding the right birth team is not just something you go to a store and pick up. He says he could jump on a plane... but my birthing is pretty darn quick. When I got going last time it was about 2.5 hours... he doesnt want to be without me.. and I NEED my best friend with me. We are a team and did this together, we need to birth together too.

My mommy group is the most amazing support system I have EVER encountered. Sure we will always have facebook, but crying on the shoulder of a computer can totally ruin the screen.  I could join LLL up there, hope to find an Attachment Parenting group that will accept me and my quirks and my so-not-AP techniques (on occasion.)

So maybe he will get a really awesome counter offer and we can stay... maybe the new job can wait 2 weeks after the baby comes... and we can just pack up and move once she arrives... maybe I can pack up all my buddies and stick them in my pocket and carry them with me.

I'm scared. I told myself... Dont get worked up over it until you have to. He could have a million interviews and only 2 people want him (the others would be stupid... but we know that happens in this industry.) So nothing to worry about until things happen. Right?! OK it's happening... now what?!

Other things that happened today -

Red Light Traffic Court - got lucky and they let me pay the lesser fine, but still stuck me with court fees

Heard back from the Bone Marrow Donor program - Due to my spina bifida occulta and Spondylolisthesis I am only eligible to donate blood and the cells from that... thanks to last years thyroid cancer, I am off the list until January 7, 2016... I'm bummed out, but overwhelmed with so much else that this actually took a back burner and I never saw myself putting it there. I sure hope the person who I matched gets a good match with the other 2 or 3 matches found nationwide. FTR - I was the ONLY match through the NBMD, I am only guessing that there are a few others through another program.