From Loaves and Fishes

.. is it actually "fishes?" I googled it and couldn't figure it out. The census is split.

The last few days have been a roller coaster, and my baby is mirroring me and that SUCKS! He isn't sleeping, his teething is ridiculous and clearly painful (8 months and 5 teeth already!) I was ready to give him away last night at 2am. Of course I am kidding, but I miss the days of him sleeping 7 to 11 hours a night! One day he will be grown up and I will miss him needing me... but I'll cross that bridge then. For now, I should be asleep, but I wanted to update you on my newest Blessing.

Lately I have been panicky over my milk supply and stockpile.... and stress leads to a lesser production. For me, that means only around 30 extra ounces a day after nursing Atlas. I know I know... that is a ton... but for someone who was casually pumping almost 40 ounces a day or 48 when I was really working on it... it's a big difference. I do think that part of it is Atlas becoming even more efficient and he has been nursing a whole lot more. We are the "on demand" type of nursers and it seems like he is attached to me non stop lately. Maybe he knows.

I got an email today. The director of Get PUMPed found 200 ounces of my baby's milk stuffed away in the Get PUMPed freezer!!!! As we were figuring out how or when it was coming home, she says she opened the freezer and there was another 300 ounces of his milk just there!!! She says she had searched and was certain that Atlas' milk brother had gotten all of it.

It was just yesterday that I sucked it up and filled out an application to become a recipient. Knowing full well that my baby isn't as needy as some of the babies they care for. They collect and donate to babies in extraordinary circumstances. Most babies are just a few months old when they apply. Most only get donations until around 6 months due to supply and demand. I don't expect special privileged due to prior donations. After all, it is ME who chose not to start Atlas on solid foods at 6 months old.

However, God has always provided. It is just amazing that 500 ounces of Atlas' nourishment were discovered today.

I might not have needed Get PUMPed's support anyhow. (I haven't been approved yet, but even if approved I hope I never have to ask for their services.) I talked to my endocrinologist yesterday. She told me that 1. I am jumping the gun worrying about radiation. I am not though. I am the type of person who MUST have a plan. I have a baby that depends on that plan. I can't sit back and worry about it when the day comes. I have the opportunity to make sure a plan is in place if I have to face a worst-case-scenario. She told me that 2. She will work with me and if I am determined to nurse Atlas until 1 year old, then I will be put on a low dose hormone until I can have the radiation, but it will take me weeks to completely dry up. The imaging requires me to be dried up. I want accurate results, I want to have more children and live for the one I have. Plus, radiation while lactating can cause breast cancer. I am totally diggin' boobs and I want my future kids to have them too. And 3. I have 3 months to stockpile for future, WHILE still nursing!!! That is the absolute best case scenario!!!  (Aside from being able to avoid radiation, of course) Do you know how much I can produce?!!?!? Even if I only produce 30 extra ounces a day, Atlas starts solids in 2 weeks and 30 ounces a day for 3 months is over 2700 ounces! If a baby who is NOT on solids takes 750 ounces a month, Atlas will still have breast milk for 6 months!!

God is so good. He has never let me fall. And while none of this is my ideal plan. I can not complain. I had the best luck when we got pregnant on the first month trying, we had the perfect pregnancy with no morning sickness or complications, we had the PERFECT home birth, our baby has remained completely healthy even without a single vax (yet) and so far my lactation has been so fruitful we have exclusively fed a whole 'nuther baby!!!

It is less devastating that I MIGHT have a completely curable cancer than the thought of forcefully being made to stop nursing my baby.

I did learn that IF I need the Radioactive Iodine, I will not be away from my baby for a couple days... but MUCH longer... 3-5 days away from not only my baby, but the most supportive person I have ever known, my husband. It breaks my heart. But I know what I have to do and preparing for the worst, praying for the best is certainly the way I am going.

Surprise me by letting it not be so bad... but dont surprise me with having to spend an extra day away with no longer being able to nurse my baby. There are some things I MUST be ready for.

Pray for the doctors hands to be gently guided on January 7th, that I only have to spend 1 night (not 2) in the hospital,  that I can get right back to nursing my baby with breastfeeding friendly pain killers, that I am not infected with cancer, and if I am, that the radiation is flushed from my body in a very short time and I can return home. Pray that my baby sleeps well and doesn't miss me. Pray that my husband has the strength to play supportive role along with mommy-role, husband-role and still maintain not only his job but our household while I am gone. They ARE lucky to have me. Pray that I will believe that, but be able to release myself from that burden so that I can heal.

OH! OK explain this... they need me to be completely dried out, but the quickest and most efficient way to extract radiation from the body (kellymom.com) is to pump it out.

Back to the subject, God really does provide.