Sunday, January 9, 2011

Making bail or busting out of this joint

I sorta had the option to stay the second night. I was already here (past the 23 hour mark) and I was still feeling lousy and scared and they were still monitoring me quite often. I also had this intense fear of going home and having this wonderful baby rush into my arms and hug him tight, but not be able to do anything with him. I cant lift him and I dont want him pulling on me.

Atlas has been a  trooper. Thank God for my MIL staying with him. I also thank God that my mother stayed with me. There is nothing like your mom taking care of you, even if you are being poked and prodded by a nurse. Atlas is sucking down bottles like he has been starving to death I hear. He is also eating a lot! I am so happy. I have been so worried about him.

I picture coming home and like a puppy dog he runs into my arms.. yes, my baby who is still only cruising RUNS into my arms and squeezes my [very sore] neck. I can't wait to see him. I hope he isn't mad at me.

Also big prayers continuing for Wednesday we find out if they got all of the thyroid tissue. If they did then I may not have to have RAI. If there is any thyroid tissue and cells left over, the way they track them down and kill them is through the RAI. They are also suggesting if I need the RAI, I will need it a whole lot sooner than they originally told me.

The endo had said I could wait 3 months until my baby was 1. They are not saying that now. I wanted to nurse until my baby was 1. ACTUALLY I wanted to nurse until my baby was 3 or weened on his own or I got pg and dried up, but alas, our plans are not our own.

A new step in my life happens today. And here I was happy with the ladder rung I had reached. I will keep you posted. Please keep praying.


  1. still praying and glad to see you in better spirits - your child knows no anger : ) He simply sees you as mommy - all will be great and God is with you each and every step. Stay Strong Momma

  2. My prayers are still with you Heather. I remember times in my life when in the blink of an eye everything changed. Your faith will sustain you even in the moments when you question if it will. God is good and has you and your family in his hands. Warmly, Marcia M.

  3. I am praying for you and your family. I have been thinking about you alot the past few days and I know we dont know each other personally but I do appreciate what you do with your blogs. You help lots of people and I am one of those! While I was at church today the pastor was preaching on trust. We had our heads bowed and the pastor was praying over us and I was praying for you, then he said "God has a plan. We don't know what it is but trust that He will deliver. It might not be when we want it but trust that He won't be late." I just started crying. I know that He will take care of you and your family!

  4. Karel, that is so kind. Sometimes I just want to yell, "Hey God, I think your plan currently stinks." Every time I have wanted to do that in my life something has happened that has lead me to where I got and I would not have gotten there without the road block.

    I am REALLY Praying hard that Wednesday they tell me I can go without the radiation. I jsut dont trust the shedding ... things I read online make me think I will be radioactive for a longer period of time than the tell me. Radiation CAUSES cancer, the specific type I would be getting kills off cells of thyroid, shedding that (the way I understand it) could cause other close family members to have to have their thyroids removed for cancer as well.... they say it is hereditary, but I really think the shedding makes it seem so. I am terrified of "sharing" this with my husband and baby.

    If it IS hereditary, then my baby is already exposed and we will know in time. Sure dont want to speed it up with exposing him to radiation.

    Its all very frustrating.

    Thank you all for your continued prayers.

    ::bursts into a Bon Jovi song::

  5. Continued prayers Heather! I am so sorry you have to go through this.

    And I know it's challenging when life throws you curve balls. Just know that if you can't nurse anymore that you did the very best for your baby that you could possibly due. And Atlas will be fine. You've done an amazing job and will only continue to do so.

    Sending loving and healing thoughts from Raleigh.