Thursday, March 15, 2012

Avalon's Birth Story - December 27, 2007

Hi, this is Avalon's mommy, Sydney. Avalon was due on December 27th of 2007, but I went into labor naturally on December 30th. These were some of the grumpiest time dragging days of my life. Seriously, I can't even really remember what happened in those 3 days, other than I mostly sat around and waited. I don't remember having any nesting instincts. On my actual due date, Simon and I walked around Walmart trying to get things going (it was cold outside!). A nice lady came up and said, very sweetly, "Oh you're so cute, when are you due?" I actually growled "TODAY!". Poor lady, she walked away so confused, but I bet later she realized I was mad about it.

So on the evening of the 2nd, we went to bed yet another day without a baby. I slept quite well actually for being so huge and uncomfortable (I even laid on my back at one point, I think). At 5:15 am I felt a bit wet and my first thought was "why am I sweating?" as I woke up. Then I realized that my water had broken! I woke up Simon, who was instantly in action mode, getting the bag and trying to rush me out the door. I told him that I had a few minutes since I wasn't having contractions. So I took a shower, but was so exited I was shaking. I also told Simon to take the sheets off the bed, and that I was so happy we bought that "bed protector thingy". I then lazily got dressed, trying my best to stay calm. I brought multiple towels to put in the car, because I was leaking like crazy. It was a fountain of water, or felt like it. Probably was more like a drip, but in my mind I was swimming.

We went down to the hospital, South Seminal, and the lady at the desk was all very calm and saying "well, we'll have you wait it out a bit because it doesn't look like you are in labor". She said this because Simon and I were laughing and smiling. Then I told the lady that my water had broken. And she started moving then! Got me in a room for checkup immediately. Got shuttled down to the first room where I changed out of my clothes and into a gown. The nurse checked me then told me to walk to the labor/delivery room. I stood up to follow Simon and his mom (who had just arrived, my parents were in route from Fort Myers) I yelled for the nurse, because I was dripping on the ground and really embarrassed. She laughed and said don't worry about it. But I was so embarrassed!

Got moved into the very nice labor room, and laid around a bit. I can't remember my exact numbers, but I was progressing nicely. At one point a nurse took pity on me and brought me breakfast, telling me not to tell anyone that she had done that. I ate the whole thing.

At one point, maybe 2 pm, my labor started to slow. The Dr came in and checked me, I had stopped progressing and Avalon was running out of air. I got scared here because, hey my kid needs air right? So they put an oxygen mask on me. I also requested an epidural. I have scoliosis and was scared about the prospect of them even being able to find the right spot fo rht epidural. The woman who does them came in and was very helpful. I explained my feelings, and she understood. So she took a long time finding the right spot (the whole time I was miserable sitting up bent over) but got the needle in right and I felt better after. Since my back is all wonky, and my hips are strange, my midwife and I had talked multiple times about the small chance of a C-section but she felt that I would be ok and be able to go naturally.

After the epidural was in, things got into motion again. I had just the right about of pain-numbly goodness. I could still feel everything, but it took the edge off. Avalon's heart beat was slowing and she was still lacking some oxygen, but the Dr said we'll wait it out a bit. He did mention pitocin, if I didn't progress more. At this point, Simon's mom got him Taco Bell and they were watching a movie. I was so pissed at them because the food smelled awesome and I couldn't see the TV since my glasses were off for the oxygen mask! I kept staring at them and giving them the stink eye. But I told Simon to eat since only one of us could.

Suddenly, things picked up, and fast. I felt the need to push out of no where, and the nurse (who was so awesome!) was right there. She had me do a couple small pushes to see how far things were. She looked a bit surprised, and ran out to fetch the Midwife. The midwife I had worked with my entire pregnancy had left the practice a few days before I went into labor, but fortunately I had met the one I had now before. The midwife came in, and said "You're ready to push". My reaction was "duh". So I pushed for a bit about 30 minutes. She said I was doing really well, and went to change her gloves. She said, ok I need you to stop for just a minute, and I said "I don't wanna!!!!" Then laughed with Simon. POP Avalon came flying out right then, into the Midwife's hands- she hadn't put on her new gloves yet. Simon and I just kept laughing and crying, and the midwife was laughing too as she put our gorgeous new baby girl on my chest. In truth, I was a bit grossed out cause she was covered in stuff  but that went away quickly once I looked into her eyes, and kissed her head. Simon got to cut the cord, hand shaking and scared he'd hurt her.

The birth team (the ladies who take the babies and get them clean) hadn't been called yet because I was going so quickly. So they rushed in after I got to hold her for awhile.

Avalon weighed in at 8 pounds, 21 inches, she was born at 6:10pm. She looked like a 3 month old. All her apgar scores were 10, with one 9 which changed to a 10 in 5 minutes. At one hour old, she was already picking up her head and looking around. The nurse came in at one point during that and said "She shouldn't be able to do that". The midwife came in to check on me and told me that she had never had a mom laugh during labor, and she was so happy to have been a part of Avalon's birth. She was a little teary eyed too. She said I did so well and that 30 minutes of pushing was her personal record.

A lot of my family and friends were able to come see her soon after she was born, which was a really awesome experience to have them there.

We had some breastfeeding issues in the hospital and after, but got it all figured out at about 5 months. Avalon's such an awesome kid, I'm so lucky to have her. And I will NEVER forget that she was born with laughter.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Dear Mommy...

Dear Mommy,

Thank you for loving me so much!

I know that I am almost 2 and that means exploring new things around me and growing up. That means I have to test my boundaries, otherwise how will I learn them?

Thank you for making me milk for the past 23 months. You have really helped to mold and shape my life and my immune system. And it is wonderful to know that I will miss out on many of those yucky stomach bugs and viruses that would hurt and make me cranky. I am kinda like Superman in that regard!

I am growing into an independent little guy and you have taught me to listen to my body and know what to do. I stop playing and "shake it off" when I get hurt. I drink my water when I am thirsty and no longer require a splash of juice. I have always loved my squishy squash and the other veggies you have allowed me to try. I even think I would like to eat a raw onion, whole. Thanks for taking my to pick strawberries and not freaking out when I taste sticks and rocks. After all, they might be good... I just want to find out.

I know that you are sad that I am growing up and not needing you to make me milk. I don't want you to be sad. I want you to know that I have really enjoyed our cuddles and snuggles and sharing that time together. There is no one else in the world that could pull it off quite like you could, Mommy. My body is telling me that you are doing such a great job giving me good fruits and veggies and grains that I no longer require your milk. I know you will miss that time together, Mommy, but there are a lot of other things we can do together. I love to run into you and knock you down! It means I love you very much and trust you not to move and let me run into the table (again.) I also enjoy feeding the kitty snacks and squishing her with hugs. Speaking of hugs, I like to rub your belly and hug my sister ... and while I am there, I will beep your belly button a few more times.

Mommy, you should be proud of how long you stuck it out and how healthy you made me. I am proud to have you as a mommy and your dedication to me shows me exactly how much you love being my Mommy! Please don't be sad, be proud of who you grew me up to be!

I love you this much!
Atlas

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Take time to smell the flowers... No.SERIOUSLY.Stop.

*Lessons I have learned from my child*

Sunday Atlas wanted to walk into church, so once I got him to the walkway I let him take his time. He stopped at the end of the walkway and leaned over to smell the flowers. They were little flowers no more than 3 inches off the ground. But to a 22 month old, they were significant and deserved to be smelled.

We got closer to the door, I glanced up to see Gene Mellott standing at the door as he does every Sunday, holding the door open. this was the second time this day he had opened the door... and he closed it again when Atlas saw the flat round concrete disks the children from Art in A Park had made by hand. He decided he wanted to jump from rock to rock.

I was losing patience but looked up to see Gene still watching him. One more potted flower to go.

Atlas stopped again and smelled the last of the flowers. I shook my head and Gene and I both laughed. We made it inside and Gene closed the door behind us.

Gene passed away early Monday morning. While I wish I had hugged his neck one more time, I am so grateful that we shared one last precious moment. Gene was a staple at the church. You just *know* he will be there when you go, so you smile and say hello and find your seat. He just helps the flow of the church and you don't think that one moment someone will be here and the next they wont.

I have learned a lot from my child and I will be the first to admit that I often dread stopping to smell the flowers.. I'm in a rush to get things done before I get exhausted. But on this one morning like all others, I am glad we did. I know that God planted that lesson in Atlas to show me.

Rest in Jesus' loving arms, Gene.
June 3, 1935 - February 6, 2012
 Obit

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Can you hear it? I can hear it... click click click

That is the sound in my head. All 3 of my remaining brain cells randomly running into each other. It doesn't hurt, really... just kinda makes me wonder if an elf has been coloring my roots.

I'm talking baby brain.

I swore by it when I was pregnant with Atlas. Then somewhere in the 18 months of non-pregnancy I completely forgot about it and forgot the helpless feeling of forgetting what day of the week it was ... several times in the same day.

Baby brain is very real.

The only logical explanation these 3 brain cells keep clicking back to me is that I am low on blood. This blood sucking parasite is totally frying my brain!

And what is worse... during those 18 non-pg months I truly believed I must have made it up out of sheer exhaustion! REALLY?! Like I could pretend to be this forgetful!
ooo ooo ooo
Do you have a clue?
You don´t have a clue
...
All the blood to your brain
Is in vain
...
All your stupid friends love you for your mind
I´ve seen you, perfectly designed
Don´t make me smile, don´t make me smile
All you thoughts are perfectly unkind
...
Don´t make me smile
All the stars in the sky
Just crossed your eyes
All the blood to your brain
Is in vain
It's insane
... CLUE by Frente
I can only imagine what my husband is thinking. The other day he left while the baby was asleep in his big boy bed and came home to find me passed out on the couch and the kidlet sitting in front of me watching the news. Come on, I knew he was sitting there at least.
Surging hormone levels and new priorities may explain why pregnancy brain happens.
"There are 15 to 40 times more progesterone and estrogen marinating the brain during pregnancy, and these hormones affect all kinds of neurons in the brain," says Louann Brizendine, MD, director of the Women's Mood and Hormone Clinic at the University of California, San Francisco. (more)
 Where as I? I forget. But I think it is bc the baby needs the blood more than I do. ...little does it know.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bed Time Prayer

I saw a beautiful prayer today! Made me wonder if this is how it really was supposed to go and who in the world would have cut it down? I say my prayers every night. I thank God first for his love, for my husbands love and then my child, my future child and my health. Not sure what the "correct" order should be, but it works for me :)

‎~Bedtime Prayer~

Now, I lay me down to rest
I thank the Lord; my life is blessed
I have my family and my home
And freedom, should I choose to roam.

My days are filled with skies of blue
My nights are filled with sweet dreams, too
I’ve no reason to beg or plead
I have been given all I need.

Beneath the subtle moonlit glow
I thank the Lord, so He will know
How grateful I am for my life
In times of glory and of strife.

The times of glory give me hope
The times of strife teach me to cope
Thus, I am much stronger in turn
Yet grounded, still, with much to learn.

Now, I lay me down to rest
I thank the Lord; I’ve passed the test
Of yet another day on earth
Grateful for its abundant worth.

This day has been a special dream
From morning ‘til the last moonbeam
Yet, should the coming dawn bring sorrow
I’ll rise, thankful I’ve reached tomorrow.

-Jill Eisnaugle

Saturday, January 7, 2012

1 year ago today I became cancer free... maybe

1 year ago today I had cancer surgery.
Child birth was less scary.

At the time they didnt even *know for sure* if it was cancer but decided to remove a major organ from my neck to check and see.

They took out part of my thyroid, the right side, sent it to the pathologist while I lay on the table unconscious. When the results came back that the cells were still abnormal, they took out the left side and only then closed me up and sewed me back together.

They told me I would only need to spend 1 night in the hospital, but after that first day I was still so groggy and scared to move that I requested 1 more day to heal and regain my strength. There was no way that I could go home and not hold my child and be told to rest instead of play. There was no way I would have the strength to play. I stayed. Later that day Gabriel Giffords was shot outside of a grocery store, a little girl and several others died.

It took 8 months for my medications to get straightened out and my thyroid hormone levels to get to an acceptable level to be given a "green" light to get pregnant again. The next day I stopped pumping in hopes of getting my cycle back. To date I have donated 12,442 ounces of milk to Get PUMPed. I have 600 more ounces in the freezer out of fear that I could dry up and still want to give Atlas my milk. One day short of 4 weeks later, my cycle returned and 3 weeks later I was pregnant.

At our baby's first ultrasound I also had my 1 year thyroid ultrasound. I had had the previous ultrasound 5 month prior and there was no thyroid and no parathyroid damage. This time however they discovered that my thyroid was growing back. There was a nodule the same size as the encapsulated cancer nodule. If I were not pregnant now, I fear they would tell me to wait.

As soon as this baby is born (Due July 4th) I am having another biopsy and then they will decide from there if I will need more intense procedures.

My endocrinologist wants me to have the iodine scan. They give you a small dose of radioactive iodine to see where the thyroid cells have floated off to throughout the body. This radiation is specific to the thyroid as your thyroid is the only organ that will attract the iodine that the radiation is connected to. That also means that nursing might be out of the question.

That is a big deal to me.

There is no test to prove that it has all made its way out of my body. Not if I have the low dose "scan" or the mega dose "2 week isolation"... the radiation is not a light, it is a pill and it can seep out with bodily fluids including things as simple as sweat. Not hot and muggy jogging sweat, but even sticky finger or hot neck kind of mild sweat. If that radiation come in contact with another being, then what organ in their body can attract the radiation? Their thyroid. Then what can they end up with? Thyroid cancer. Yes, nursing will be done.

The whole thing scares the hell out of me. For one, my "cancer" is gone and not coming back. it was fully encapsulated and removed. Nothing spread. Radiation destroys your bones. I don't even want to risk my health further by doing something I don't need.

The whole situation sucks. And I am scared.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

More things my doctor didn't tell me...

Your thyroid can grow back. Awesome. Not.

Last January 7th I had my entire stinking Thyroid completely removed because there was this hard bead of cancer in it. The cancer did not spread. It was completely encapsulated. My doctor had not been concerned with it as it hadnt grown in the past 3 years... it was smooth and symmetrical and did resemble anything that seemed like cancer.

Well, my son was about 7 or 8 months old and I got excited about the thought of having another baby in the next year so I went back and got it checked out again... I told her I wasn't comfortable with it and I wanted it REALLY checked out, not just us feeling it. I had an ultrasound and a biopsy and everything said that the cells looked concerning but they couldnt tell if it was cancerous. It had to be removed.

I was a WRECK. PMS, pregnancy, adolescence... nothing had every taken a toll on me like the stress and fear of this surgery that would forever change my life... "Just in case" it was cancer. I got 4 follow up doctors to look at my charts. I was ready for more biopsies so that they werent re-reading the same stupid chart and quoting off the same thing the last doctor had said. I had infact cancelled the surgery 3 days before they were going to do it. I had found peace knowing that it wasnt cancer and we were all being over eager to "explore."

Obvioulsy that didnt last. My husband was at wits end with me and told me it was not an option and that he and my baby needed me and this was just part of what needed to be done. I closed my eyes, held my breath, prayed an awful lot and jumped. I seriously just thought if I breathed deep and closed my eyes I would never even notice.

I spent an extra night in the hospital (away from my 9 month old) because I was not ready physically to return to my responsibilities and I knew I would want to jump right in if I walked in that door.

The week before Christmas 2011... I saw my endo and she once again brings up radiation. My 6 month ultrsound didnt show ANY regrowth, but since I got pregnant, I have been off my Citomel (a higher T3) for about 10 weeks and in that time a nodule (5mm) had grown. The marble like bump that was removed before was also 5mm.

So I am scared that it is growing back, not the cancer, I am certain with all my heart that that will never come back, but they have to stop my thyroid from growing back bc it doesnt function and wont grow back right if it does... I dont want them to reopen my neck to take it out again. They did a good job not injuring my parathyroid, I dont want to risk them ruining them too.

The endocrinologist wants me to have another biopsy in July after my baby is born. She also wants me to have radiation to make sure to kill off any loose and floating around thyroid cells... any strays can cause the cancer to regrow elsewhere in my body. (Except mine was encapsulated and is NOT growing back - sigh) If I have radiation, I will have to be away from my family, including the newborn for 2-3 WEEKS, and breast feeding will be out of the question.... as will likely future children.

I told my endo I would revisit the RAI (radiation) talks after my birthing years were done. I have always wanted 3 kids.

So that is where I am at now. Scared again. Not wanting to really open up and talk about it too much. Kinda in denial.

I have this really amazing life that I dont deserve, but I cherish and it just seems like a cruel joke to have stupid crap like this interfere. That is what it is CRAP!

So.. did YOU know your thyroid can grow back? Apparently its kinda like your liver. Weird.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

And the rants begin again...

Well with each renewal of life.. comes re-opening up all the debates. After all, I have to start thinking about it again, right?!


Two really great articles were pointed out to me this morning and THIS is the blog for them! 

Pro-Vaccine Immunologist Admits a Shocking Truth About Vaccines

 "It is pointless to administer drugs intended to stimulate antibody production to babies who are too young to produce antibodies. Infants in their first year mostly depend on generalized, non-specific immunity, including (hopefully) immunoglobulins from breast milk, to protect their young bodies from infection. They do not produce antibodies of their own until about age one. Despite this basic fact, the medical establishment insists administering a total of 19 shots, containing 24 vaccines, to infants on the 2, 4 and 6 month pediatric visits (Source: cdc.gov). Somehow, the basic facts of human physiology and development do not apply to vaccines."

Thinking from an economical perspective... if these things are needed to protect our herds... then why are we wasting them on people who can't use them yet? Never mind the potential risks involved.

I have always advocated waiting (at the very least.) I cant wrap my head around injecting our 10-15 lb babies with poisons that are supposed to kill any of these horrible diseases that they could get over the next 80 years. Really!? This one shot has enough chemical in it to keep my child safe for 80 years?!?! And you want to give him how many of these shots?! How is that safe for this tiny baby?

The next article:

ACOG: Post Dates is Past 42 Weeks

“Waiting for the birth of a child is an exciting and anxious time. Most women give birth between 38 and 42 weeks of pregnancy. But very few babies are born on their due dates. It is normal to give birth as much as 3 weeks before or 2 weeks after your due date.”
What cracks me up is that some people think the baby is going to be TOO BIG to push out of your vagina. Really? You honestly think that God didn't plan for that? That is why we dilate. Of course there are reasons that some babies have to be born early and I am not dismissing those reasons. When you have stats like 30% of hospital births are cesarian and the usage of pitocin is almost half of hospital births I am lead to wonder when we quit trusting God and how amazing our bodies really are at doing their job.
"The rates of both labor induction and C-section have been on an upward trend in the U.S. since the 1990s. Labor inductions have risen from just under 10 percent of births in 1990 to 22 percent in 2006; and in 2007, C-sections were done in almost one-third of all births." (Reuters

The baby is not going to attend kindergarten in your uterus. He will come out when he is fully cooked. He's not building a house. Just because he isn't ready when you are doesnt mean that something is wrong. And you know that as the grow their heart rate is SUPPOSED to drop, it doesn't always mean distress. My favorite to shake my head at is those women who plan their births... over and over and over. Not just having a birth plan, but "Little Baby A is going to meet us on January 8th... when we evict him." Awesome. I am so sad that women miss the incredibly empowering opportunity to do this ONE incredible thing that no man can ever do! OhMyGosh, after Atlas was born, I felt like I could conquer anything!! I have held onto that, too. My self confidence is doing pretty well on that aspect.  

I have been told that I am jaded since I had such an amazing experience with my own first birth at home. But I don't think I am a rarity at all. I have a whole gaggle of mommy friends who did the same thing and really want to encourage and inspire other women to get the information they need to be able to do the same... without fear. It's possible, but your birth team needs to make sure you have all the information you can store!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

We are expecting again!

We are officially expecting #2. We are 11-12 weeks along. Technician says we are due July 4th, Midwife says July 7th due to ovulation, I say June 27th due to last period. If we go like Atlas did... then June 20th will be the date. (My birthday is June 15th)

I wasn't wanting to announce early on. My endocrinologist told me we would not get pg without "help," but we did. I went back to her the week after we found out and she assured me I would lose the baby. My Synthroid is a very high level and must be kept high due to the cancer earlier this year. You have to have thyroid hormone for your body to get pregnant, to stay pregnant and to know when to go into labor. We are currently reducing my levels slightly and she doesn't think that my body will remember it is pregnant. The level of Synthroid could effect the size of the baby and it's growth, since it makes me high hypo, we are going to have to monitor closely that I am able to put on enough weight, more importantly that the baby does.  Kinda devastating and I didnt want to post a "we lost our baby" post. I know far too many people who have miscarried and I didn't want to have to 'go
there' out loud.

Happier news - Kelli Johnson assures me the baby will be fine and lots of people are on Synthroid, and there are a lot of people on my level of Synthroid and have normal, natural, healthy births.

I LOVE Kelli and I trust her. I am currently in the process of firing my endo and finding one that works on a more natural level and will preform the blood tests I have requested. The current endo refuses to test my reverse levels, thus breeching my right to informed consent.

So that is why a few of you know, or have thought you knew and I have avoided any questions.

We got to see the baby today at our first sonogram! It is measuring a week smaller than it should and of course my mind is playing tricks on me and making me a little crazy, but we go see Kelli tomorrow and I know she will ease my mind.

I know for fact the day I ovulated so I other than having had only 1 period and then 3 weeks until I ovulated, I know the *moment* I ovulated. I can feel it.

So now I am ready, just took me a while.

We are pregnant! YAY! Babies rock! So excited I get to have another!
Also excited that I can finally share our news!
 
~Heather~
Atlas - 20 months
#2 due anytime between June15th and July 15th - aiming for July 4th
but certain it will be well before that.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Sleep parchance to dream

I have read everything. I have listened to everyone. I agree with all of it. I am doing what I need to do.

I am a member of a very natural mommy group. We believe in gentle discipline and sleep. We babywear forever, nurse until they self wean and co-sleep as long as we can stand it. Yeah, my mommy friends would disown me if they saw this post.

What works for some, and seems so cozy-wonderful-ideal-euphoric, doesn't work for everyone. I find myself recently telling mommys to ignore all advice (even from me) and do what works best for them and (key) NEVER second guess it! Mommy always knows best!

Admission: After a 11 day "vacation" (for everyone except mommy) sleep was a foreign word... foreign and 4-letter all sounded the same by then. A mommy never gets vacation. A daddy-vacation means he doesnt have to wake up at 2am... for work... OR FOR BABY.

By the time we got home, Mommy wanted to be adopted.

She promised to be very good, clean her plate and sleep through the night.

There were no takers.

Besides, who would nurse the (nearly) 17 month old?

Suddenly an angel called me. Well not quite, she's kinda this ridiculously amazing mom with 2 children that read by 3 and potty train by 2 and are super duper polite... but she called me (originally to babysit) and told me "LET THAT BABY SLEEP".... dont you think I would? I mean really. I am not running in there with a bull horn to wake him up every hour because it makes the entire day more exciting. I WOULD let him sleep... if he would.

I have learned from some incredible women to go to sleep gently. So if he wakes up crying, he might be scared and need a hug and a rock and 30 minutes of nursing. That is a problem when it is every.single.hour (or 2.) So when my neck started hurting enough (2 weeks home from vacation - still not sleeping) from sleeping and nursing in the glider, I brought him back to bed.

Background:
By 3 months we had him in his crib. We were completely OK with co-sleeping, LOVED IT!!! But that was for ME. I loved it for ME. I wanted him to be OK in his bed... for HIM. We succeeded. But every new tooth or every growth spurt or every vacation we were screwed! Recently I have been longing for a new baby, my thyroid medications (after a totally thyroidectomy due to cancer 1/7/11) are regulated, we are in a good spot and Atlas is getting big... I have cut back on pumping (from 45oz EXTRA -Atlas doesnt drink saved milk -  a day to 6oz) Then we went on vacation and >poof< he is nursing all night long and my supply is back! I seriously pumped over 20 oz one morning in the past few weeks. But Aunt Flow hasn't visited in over 2 years!!! This kid HAS to sleep through the night... and I HAVE to stop pumping.

It has been 3 days since I have pumped... not so fun.
BUT.. it has been over a week that Atlas has been sleeping.

Back to LETTING HIM SLEEP.
I let him sleep... however the first night he chose not to. 5:20am I checked on him and my heart broke into a bajillion pieces!!! He was sitting up in the corner of his crib with his head down, playing with his fingers. It was so sad. But I was determined to teach him that we are NOT getting up before 6am ever again! He didn't sleep that night and the daytime sucked... but I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

My girlfriend assured me that those would be the hardest 3 nights of my life.... I was too exhausted. I knew my kid was dry, fed full, safe and unable to crawl out... I was not going back in until 6am. By night #3, he didnt get back up. I heard him over the monitor... he would cry for 2 minutes and then go back to sleep. Trust me, I was sitting up on the edge of the bed ready to do something, not sure what... but he was crying so I was not ALLOWED to be asleep.

My precious baby has spent the entire last week going to bed around 8pm and waking up at 6am.

So to all my crunchy mommys who think that makes a person a BAD parent... kiss it! We have never had such great sleep and he will never remember it! I half kid. I appreciate all the advice and encouragement I have gotten... but dang... it was not what worked here.

Disclaimer: What works for US, doesn't work for everyone.... but when you get to a  point, you will do anything. We were there.... because HE was there.

Monday, August 15, 2011

IVs during Labor hinder TRUE Birth Weight

WOW! This article made me really start thinking. Those women who are made to think their breast milk has not done its job and it is not "in" yet... that urgency to FIX it and do something unnatural...??

A baby will lose weight after birth (unless you are my kid who has never lost an ounce) that is normal. How fast they add it back on is when doctors worry.

But are you birthing in a hospital? Do you have an IV? That fluid they are pumping into the mother has a direct effect on the baby's weight. He gets what mom gets. When his weight straightens out, a LOT has to do with how much fluid he got during labor.... as well as when his cord was cut (that is a different discussion... did you know a baby's placenta will suck back up to 1/3rd of the childs blood before birth to make labor easier? It makes the baby smaller and his heart rate drop so that the trauma is less.)

I found this article and it makes me feel bad for those mom s who have been made to feel inadequate.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Reader Trips - My best yet!





I did 8 transactions of as close to $30 as possible so that I could use the $5/$30 coupons I got yesterday -

8 - Sabra Hummus, 4 pk 2 oz cup or 10 oz, BOGO at $3.99 ($1.99)

-$1 off Sabra Hummus SS 6/26 or tearpad
Total - $.99 ea

2 - Sweet Baby Ray’s Barbecue Sauce, 18 oz, BOGO at $2.19 ($1.09)
-$1 off Sweet Baby Rays products, SS 5/22 (EXP 06/30)
-1/2 Sweet Baby Rays products, SS 5/22 (EXP 06/30)
Total - $.09 ea

20
- Kraft or Seven Seas Dressing, 14 or 16 oz, BOGO at $2.09

10 -$1/2 Kraft dressing, 14 oz +, SS 6/19
-$1/2 Kraft dressing, RP 5/15

-$1/2 Kraft Italian salad dressing, 16 oz +, (Target coupon) (EXP 06/28) printable
10 -$1/2 Kraft salad dressing, 16 oz, (Target coupon) (EXP 06/28) printable
-B2G1 Kraft salad dressing, 16 oz, (Target coupon) printable
Total - $.55 ea

8 -
A.1. Steak Sauce, 10 oz bot, BOGO at $3.71
8-$1 off A-1 steak sauce or marinade, 10 oz +, SS 6/05 (EXP 07/03)
8-$1 off A-1 steak sauce, 10 oz +, (Target coupon) (EXP 06/28) printable
Total - 95¢ or FREE if Target is a competitor
Total - $.15 Overage ea

10 -
French’s Classic Yellow Mustard, 14 oz bot, BOGO at $1.55
10 -.30/1 French’s Classic Yellow mustard, SS 5/15 or SS 6/19
Total - $.48 ea

2 - Emeril’s Bam Meals, 14.5 or 15 can, BOGO at $1.49 (74¢)

2 -$1 off Emeril product, June Everyday with Rachael Ray magazine
Total - $.26 Overage ea

6 -
Mueller’s Pasta, 12-16 oz, BOGO at $1.49
excludes Lasagna, Jumbos Shells & Egg Noodles
6 -$1 (or $.55 which I got) off Mueller’s pasta (Facebook) printable
Total - $.20 ea

2 - Thomas’ English Muffins or Hearty Muffins, 11-13 oz pkg, BOGO at $3.89 ($1.94)


4 - Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil, 35-75 sq ft, BOGO at $4.29

-$1 off Reynolds Wrap foil, excl 20-30 sq ft, Fill Your Basket with $12 in Savings
4-$1 off Reynolds Wrap foil, excl 20-30 sq ft, SS 5/15 (EXP 06/30)
-$1 off Reynolds Wrap Non-stick foil, SS 5/15 (EXP 06/30)
-$1.50/2 Reynolds Wrap Heavy Duty foil, Kroger My Magazine: Guide to Grilling Greatness
-.75/1 Reynolds wrap foil (excl 20,25,30 sq ft), SS 6/12
-.75/1 Reynolds Wrap Heavy Duty foil, 18 in printable
-.75/1 Reynolds Wrap Non-Stick foil printable
-.75/1 Reynolds wrap non-stick foil, SS 6/12
Total - $1.15 ea

3 - Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Snack Crackers, $1

3-$.75 peelies on them
Total - $.25 ea

2 - Vitamins D3 -
Sundown Naturals $2.99
1-$6/2 Sundown Naturals or Osteo Bi-Flex Products, (Publix Coupon), Publix Green Advantage Buy Flyer
-1$1 off Sundown vitamin or supplement, RP 6/12
Total - $2.95 Overage ea

2 - Curad Sterile tape, 20 ct., $2.29

-$2/2 Curad Tape, Sensitive Spots, or Gauze Pads, (Publix Coupon), Publix Green Advantage Buy Flyer
-.50/1 Curad product, SS 5/22 or SS 6/19
(buy (2), use $2/2 store and (2) .50/1, makes both FREE)
Total - $.21 Overage ea

4 -
Johnson & Johnson Gauze Pads, 10 ct., $1.99

2-$2/2 Johnson & Johnson Red Cross Brand First Aid or Coach items, Publix Green Advantage Buy Flyer
2-$3/2 blinkie
Total - $.51 Overage ea

2 -
Kraft Chunk or Shredded Cheese, 7 or 8 oz, $2

-$1 off Kraft Naturals slices WYB (1) Kraft Natural Shredded Cheese, SS 6/19
-$1.50/3 Kraft Natural Cheese items, 5 oz, Kroger home mailer
-.55/1 Kraft Philadelphia Cream Cheese or Natural Shredded cheese, Kraft Food & Family booklet
-$1 off Kraft Shredded Cheese with a touch of Philadelphia (zip 96727) printable
Total - $1

20 -
Carefree Pantiliners, 20 or 22 ct, $1
-$1 off Carefree pantyliners, SS 5/08 (EXP 06/30)
-$1 off Carefree Ultra Protection liners printable
-.50/1 Carefree Acti-Fresh product, June Glamour magazine
-.50/1 Carefree product, RP 3/27 (EXP 06/30)
-.50/1 Carefree product, SS 6/26
-.50/2 Carefree liners printable (limit reached)
-.55/1 Carefree Acti-Fresh product, excl trial size, on product
Total - Overage!

4 -
Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing, 20-24 oz, $3.29
-$2 off Tyson Chicken Strips 8 oz AND Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing 20 oz+, (Publix Coupon), Yellow Advantage Buy Flyer
4-$1 off Hidden Valley Farmhouse Originals dressing or salad kit, SS 5/15
-$1/2 Hidden Valley dressing, tearpad
(Buy Tyson at $3.99, use $2 off store, $1 off Tyson mfr, and $1 off Ranch, mfr, makes it $2.29 ea.)
Total - $.29 ea

4 -
Tyson Fully Cooked Chicken Breast Strips, 8 oz, $3.99
4-$2 off Tyson Chicken Strips 8 oz AND Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing 20 oz+, (Publix Coupon), Yellow Advantage Buy Flyer
-.55/1 Tyson Grilled & Ready refrigerated chicken, SS 5/08
4-$1 off Tyson product, SS 4/03
(Buy Ranch at $4.59, use $2 off store, $1 off Tyson mfr, and $1 off Ranch, mfr, makes it $2.29 ea.)
Total - $.99

10 - Hormel Completes Kids, 7 oz, $1.67

10 -$1 off Hormel Compleats for Kids, SS 5/08
-$1 off Hormel Compleats Kids Microwave meal printable or printable
-$1 off Hormel Compleats microwave meal printable
-.55/1 Hormel Compleats microwave meal, June All You magazine or SS 5/08
-.75/1 Hormel Compleats microwave meal printable
Total - 67¢

8 - Bull’s-Eye BBQ Sauce 17.5-18 oz, $1

4 -$1/2 Bull’s-Eye barbecue sauce, 18 or 28 oz, (Target coupon) printable
-.55/1 Kraft or Bull’s Eye Barbecue sauce, Kraft Food & Family booklet
Total - $.50

2 - Kikkoman Seasoning Packet, 99¢

2 -$1 off Kikkoman products printable
Total - $.01 Overage

Stride gum - $1.49
Milk - $3.49
Coffee Filters - $3.99
Tortillas - 1.79
3 - Publix Pretzels - 3/$5
Strawberries - 2/$4
Cucumbers - 2/$1 (!!!!!)
2 Mushroom - 2/$3
Onions - 1.99
Bananas - 2.24
Lettuce - $1.29
Green beans - $1.21

3
- $10 off $50 Gas Card WYB $25 Groceries

8 transactions, 7 $5/$30 Publix coupons
Vendor Coupons - 97.80
Store Coupons - 128.55
Special Savings (bogos and sales) - 108.15
Total saved - 334.50
Total spent - neg-26.87

Total 113% savings

*While it was fun to be handed back cash in most transactions, 3 of them I bought a $50 Gas card for $40. All in all I spent $123.13 OOP for $150 in Gas cards and got all those groceries for FREE!

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Business of Being Born

If you haven't watched this... DO IT. Very insightful even with a completely closed mind.
Go HERE

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Great Grandparents ROCK!

I was gone most of yesterday. I happen to still have 3 grandparents so Atlas is luck enough to still have 3 GREAT grandparents... and boy are they great!!!
Those are my mom's parents (Great-Grandma and Pop-Pop-Pop) and my dad's mom (Great-Greinke)
They are simply the best!!! Can't you tell how happy Atlas was to visit with them!! He turns 14 months old Wednesday <3

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Update - Still Cancer free

That is about it. The lumps in my pits are, in fact, only lymph nodes. I wanted to say "I KNEW THAT"... but I KNEW that my thyroid was fine too and I was wrong on that as well. Better safe than surgery :-D

My synthroid has been bumped up to .150mg from .112mg. My TSH is just under 11... hopefully it will head downhill fast now. I would be sooo happy for it to be at a 4. It needs to be at a .1

Also, my thyroglobulen dropped from a 3.2 to 1.9... that means my lost thyroid cells are shrinking. I think.

New numbers:
BP - 103/63
BPM - 47 <-- whoa low, but I was falling asleep all day long.
T3 - 2.6 (range 2.3-4.2)
T4 - 1.2 (range .8-1.8)
Thyroglobulin - 1.9 (range 2.0-35)
TSH - 10.55

Old numbers:
BP - 103/65
T3 - 2.6 (range 2.3-4.2)
T4 - 1.1 (range .8-1.8)
Thyroglobulin - 3.4 (range 2.0-35)
TSH - 14.68

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Things I can feel.

What a day.

Totally not the point, just one of those EXTRA challenges I like to have - I have had a spot on the top of my nose just burst out blood 3 times in the last month. You'd have thought I had a vein running along the top of it and I had slashed it and it was pumping with each heart beat.. and you could see the blood running out of it with the same forceful pump.

So I was loading up to go to the breast surgeon today to have my referral checkup for some lumps under my arm. 10 minutes before leaving I am brushing my teeth and this spot on TOP of my nose opens up and I cant get it to stop bleeding to save my life. My only solution is to ask my husband to ride with me to pick up one of those "stop blood" sticks from the drug store that stops him from bleeding when he cuts himself shaving. However I am almost late and half way on our ride it stops bleeding. The baby starts getting fussy the husband starts getting annoyed that he COULD have stayed home as planned. I wanted him to turn around but we were half way there.

And yes, the baby was CRAZY and active and walking everywhere the entire 30 minutes in the waiting room .. even with the bag full of toys.

In the exam room. Oh I could go into detail... I wont. I was uncomfortable. Mostly because my husband was witnessing someone else touching my breasts. Eventually he took the crazy offspring out of the room to walk around where ever else.

The lumps are under my right arm pit.. so she starts with my LEFT where she finds a small lump. She goes to my right and finds 2 of the 3 lumps. She says that stress can cause the lymph nodes to swell.. or allergies to cats and dogs. The dog is already on my sh!t list. The doctor came in and did the same ultrasound and found the same lumps but in a fraction of the time. One was 9mm the other was 7.7mm.

Facts - The MRI will tell if it IS cancer or not. Better in fact than a biopsy (makes no sense to me either.) Plus you have to have a mammogram before a biopsy... not clear why. Kinda seems like a waste of time to trouble shoot. Do the damn test and let me be of sound mind. Pain and discomfort don't even bother me anymore. Poke, prick, prod. I'm game. I want to get everything good and clear yesterday so I can get pregnant again without worry of something coming up that needs immediate care.

Fact - it takes 3-4 months to "dry up" and I need to be dried up before having an MRI... I SHOULD be before having a routine Mammogram, but since I had ThyCa, routine does not apply. They assume that even though I am very low risk of cancer that I am still AT RISK. I dont mind them taking extra precaution.

Annoyance - Her explanation.

OK I get that the whole imaging can be clearer if there is not milk in my ducts. However I pumped today prior to the scan and the tech could not even tell where my ducts were! Yes, I AM a pro at pumping. However she had the audacity to say...

Her -Your son is over 1 and for social reasons it would be best anyhow to wrap up the nursing.
Me - He was 9 months when he started solids (gut closure reasons to avoid food allergies unlike cousins. It worked and we have not had any issues) he has been on solids 4 months and 1 day.
Her - ::utter shock::
Me - I also want to continue to give him breast milk as the benefits are monumental
Her - I am a breast surgeon, you dont have to tell me the benefits of it
Her - However.... When he starts pre school you dont want him talking about it...
Me - He is 1
Her - some people start around 2
Me - I am a stay at home mom... he wont be starting for years
Her - But the other children will be talking and wondering and you dont want to explain or have him explain.
Me - all of my mommy groups are STILL nursing... some well into toddlerhood... like WELL into it. Not that I plan to, but I want it to be a self weening or my body drying up on it's own.

I didnt bother arguing.
I want her to think I am on the same page because ultimately I want to get this crap taken care of and also its not really any of her damn business when or why.

I understand that IF I have to have an MRI... and that is only after a biopsy comes back with atypical cells (highly unlikely... but I said that before and was WAY wrong) IF I need the MRI then I will lighten up and make sure I am stockpiled in Mommy-Breast-Milk. (BTW - I just donated all of my milk to hit the 10K mark... I have donated 10,122oz to getpumpedonline.org now)... but I am not ready to stop. Nor is my baby! I have gone longer periods of the day without nursing but there isa huge difference in his mood and sleep and hunger level. He JUST turned 13 months. I dont think it unreasonable to continue to nurse him. If I HAVE to stop, then I will, but the doctor's reasons were ridiculous!

I kept thinking "Email Le Leche League!!! Email Connected Mothering!" They would all understand and they would tell me to find a new doctor. No energy for that.

I went to pay the bill an hour and 45 minutes later and texted my hubby to let him know I was done. The baby wanted me to hold him so I did and suddenly that spot on my nose opened back up and began POURING again. FML.

I guess I will be heading to a dermatologist too. 

My girlfriend tonight brought to my attention that sometimes when she feels drained and exhausted she forces herself to think about those unable to feel. Those either dead to feeling... or simply dead. And what would they give to feel again? Even if it meant feeling the crappy way we sometimes feel. How fortunate we are to have worked all the way to that feeling. How fortunate we are to feel such extreme emotion. She is the eternal optimist no doubt. But I felt very 'lucky' after talking to her. My fatigue and need to collapse into tears (if I had the time to) are a very real emotion that I am grateful to have the capacity to feel. And I wont forget what it feels like either. It's intense, but I will get over it and life will go on.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

A mother's prayer.... LOL


Tina Fey Hard At Work
First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.
“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.” 

-Tina Fey
(That my friends, is what you call good writing. Pick up Tina Fey’s book Bossypants for more.)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

You MUST be kidding me

This from a local ped. un.be.lieve.able.
HERE

Breast milk contains dry cleaning materials. Right.

Friday, April 1, 2011

My Publix Trip - Saved 84%

Out in the rain I went with my baby.... it wasn't a bad trip afterall! *I did forget to get him a balloon.. whoops*
What do you think I spent!? My husband and I play this game each week.

2 Publix Pretzels - 2.79 each

4 Kraft Cheese - 3.39
-$1.50/2 Kraft Block or Shredded 7- or 8-oz. Cheese Target Web Coupon x4/9
-$1/1 Kraft Shredded Cheese with a Touch of Philadelphia

4 CoffeeMate Creamers - 2.50
4 FREE coupons

2 Quaker Oatmeal - 2.13
-$1/2 printable (No Longer Available -NLA)
*Should have done this deal over the weekend when all Quaker products were 50% off

14 Earth's Best baby food - BOGO .91
2 - $1/7 Earth’s Best Organic Baby Food printable

Centrum vitamins - 8.99
25% off = 6.74
*There WERE printable coupons... ugh oh well. I COULD take the coupon back and get my $, but the $1 I'd save isnt worth the gas or the hassle of carting a baby in and out of the car

2 Log Cabin Syrups - BOGO 3.89
*no coupons!

14 Friskies treats - BOGO 1.75
14 -$1 off Purina Dog or Cat Treat, 2.1-32 oz printable
14 -$1 off Friskies cat treats, SS 1/23
OVERAGE - $15.75

3 Muir Glen Tomato Paste - 1.09
3 - $1 Whole Food Coupons - wholefoods.com
3 - $1 Publix Italian Days coupons - expired, but they approved it at customer service for me before shopping
OVERAGE - $2.73

4 Schick Intuition - BOGO 8.99
4 -$3 off Schick Intuition printable

Pears - 2.09
Bananas - 1.49 *Did you know they contain radiation? AWESOME!
2 lettuce - 1.29each
Mushrooms - 2.49
Yellow Onions - 1.29 *Yes I get a bag of onions every week... I like onions!
Tilapia - on sale $5.75
Killians - 10.99
Hobo beer - 7.69

2 things of Yellow Squash - 1.29lb total - 1.49&1.64
*I picked up a third that said 1.99lb... Publix policy is that if it is incorrectly labeled then you get it for free. I expected to get the 1.99 one for free, but the kid went back and said one shelf had them for 1.99 and the other had then for 1.29 which makes NO SENSE to me what-so-ever!!! Anyhow, I got the 2 cheaper ones.

Used -
3 - $5/$30 Winn Dixie printables
2 - $5/$50 Publix BoyScout Fundraiser coupons

Store coupons - 45.00
Vendor coupons - 42.00
Special Price Savings (bogos and sales) 44.30
TOTAL SAVINGS - 131.30
TOTAL OOP - 31.18

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dear Atlas, My Baby (Happy First Birthday)

Dear Atlas,
In less than 11 hours you turn 1 year old! I can't believe it!!! I swear I did not blink. They told me not to. They warned me this would happen. They all said, "He will grow up so quick you wont even believe it!!" I am sad, but I am also proud to see you growing up. Your milestones keep me looking forward to the next day!

I remember how incredibly uncomfortable I was and at times scared!! But they kept reminding me that your head would not be 10 lbs and my body was wonderfully made to do exactly this. I had faith it would go easy. Your Daddy was amazing!!! I think we could have do it without the midwife, your doula was great support early on, but dang she missed your birth by about the same amount of time that your midwife made it to you birth!

This year has been the most demanding, the most sincere, the most exciting and the scariest year of my entire life. I have never been out of work and yet I have not received a payroll check all year. I have babysat a TON and by the end of the day I am generally ready to give the kids back, but you were different and while I wanted to hand you off at times, I never wanted to put you back. There were days I didn't think I would survive due to lack of sleep... but then you would smile and I was glad I had been awake for it.


You have given me the most amazing gift to give. I have had an abundance of your milk and I have been able to donate so much of it to babies in extraordinary circumstances whose mommies could not provide for their babies like I could for you! I have never in my entire life had the opportunity to give of myself without you.


I had fears of giving too much of myself. I thought I was depriving you of a Gift given strictly by God... then my fears became true. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and suddenly had to pump and store like a crazy mommy!! I stopped donating for a very short time (December - January) and a lot of my mommy friends offered storage space so that you would have milk in case I had to stop feeding you, myself.


God answered my prayers and the moment the cancer was removed, my body was free of it and I could go back to feeding you... and all the other babies who needed your milk. You are now 1, and I have donated over 7600 ounces and I have another 1200 ready to donate! You are about 25 lbs and sooooooooooo not lacking a thing.

You were walking around 10 months and have been ECing since before you turned 6 months.I am in shock that we have such a connection. I have heard of this happening, but I would not believe it had I not experienced it! You hear me and you understand what I talk to you about! I also am thrilled that I understand you!!

You are such a happy baby. You have 3 moods: Sleepy, Happy and Mad. Things are either funny or serious with you. You make my days interesting! I love your smile... and I would do ANYTHING for your giggle.


I hope that your second year is as amazing as this first one. You have made me a better person in less time than anyone ever could have. You have changed my entire life more than anyone ever could or ever will. That is kinda a big deal. You are the first of my babies and the one who will direct my path in life. You made me who I am today and you will help me to become the person I want to be tomorrow.

Thank you, my beautiful baby, my son, my life. I'll live you for always, I'll love you forever. As long as you're living, my baby you'll be. You'll never be loved more than your Daddy and I love you.

Love,
Mommy