From Loaves and Fishes

.. is it actually "fishes?" I googled it and couldn't figure it out. The census is split.

The last few days have been a roller coaster, and my baby is mirroring me and that SUCKS! He isn't sleeping, his teething is ridiculous and clearly painful (8 months and 5 teeth already!) I was ready to give him away last night at 2am. Of course I am kidding, but I miss the days of him sleeping 7 to 11 hours a night! One day he will be grown up and I will miss him needing me... but I'll cross that bridge then. For now, I should be asleep, but I wanted to update you on my newest Blessing.

Lately I have been panicky over my milk supply and stockpile.... and stress leads to a lesser production. For me, that means only around 30 extra ounces a day after nursing Atlas. I know I know... that is a ton... but for someone who was casually pumping almost 40 ounces a day or 48 when I was really working on it... it's a big difference. I do think that part of it is Atlas becoming even more efficient and he has been nursing a whole lot more. We are the "on demand" type of nursers and it seems like he is attached to me non stop lately. Maybe he knows.

I got an email today. The director of Get PUMPed found 200 ounces of my baby's milk stuffed away in the Get PUMPed freezer!!!! As we were figuring out how or when it was coming home, she says she opened the freezer and there was another 300 ounces of his milk just there!!! She says she had searched and was certain that Atlas' milk brother had gotten all of it.

It was just yesterday that I sucked it up and filled out an application to become a recipient. Knowing full well that my baby isn't as needy as some of the babies they care for. They collect and donate to babies in extraordinary circumstances. Most babies are just a few months old when they apply. Most only get donations until around 6 months due to supply and demand. I don't expect special privileged due to prior donations. After all, it is ME who chose not to start Atlas on solid foods at 6 months old.

However, God has always provided. It is just amazing that 500 ounces of Atlas' nourishment were discovered today.

I might not have needed Get PUMPed's support anyhow. (I haven't been approved yet, but even if approved I hope I never have to ask for their services.) I talked to my endocrinologist yesterday. She told me that 1. I am jumping the gun worrying about radiation. I am not though. I am the type of person who MUST have a plan. I have a baby that depends on that plan. I can't sit back and worry about it when the day comes. I have the opportunity to make sure a plan is in place if I have to face a worst-case-scenario. She told me that 2. She will work with me and if I am determined to nurse Atlas until 1 year old, then I will be put on a low dose hormone until I can have the radiation, but it will take me weeks to completely dry up. The imaging requires me to be dried up. I want accurate results, I want to have more children and live for the one I have. Plus, radiation while lactating can cause breast cancer. I am totally diggin' boobs and I want my future kids to have them too. And 3. I have 3 months to stockpile for future, WHILE still nursing!!! That is the absolute best case scenario!!!  (Aside from being able to avoid radiation, of course) Do you know how much I can produce?!!?!? Even if I only produce 30 extra ounces a day, Atlas starts solids in 2 weeks and 30 ounces a day for 3 months is over 2700 ounces! If a baby who is NOT on solids takes 750 ounces a month, Atlas will still have breast milk for 6 months!!

God is so good. He has never let me fall. And while none of this is my ideal plan. I can not complain. I had the best luck when we got pregnant on the first month trying, we had the perfect pregnancy with no morning sickness or complications, we had the PERFECT home birth, our baby has remained completely healthy even without a single vax (yet) and so far my lactation has been so fruitful we have exclusively fed a whole 'nuther baby!!!

It is less devastating that I MIGHT have a completely curable cancer than the thought of forcefully being made to stop nursing my baby.

I did learn that IF I need the Radioactive Iodine, I will not be away from my baby for a couple days... but MUCH longer... 3-5 days away from not only my baby, but the most supportive person I have ever known, my husband. It breaks my heart. But I know what I have to do and preparing for the worst, praying for the best is certainly the way I am going.

Surprise me by letting it not be so bad... but dont surprise me with having to spend an extra day away with no longer being able to nurse my baby. There are some things I MUST be ready for.

Pray for the doctors hands to be gently guided on January 7th, that I only have to spend 1 night (not 2) in the hospital,  that I can get right back to nursing my baby with breastfeeding friendly pain killers, that I am not infected with cancer, and if I am, that the radiation is flushed from my body in a very short time and I can return home. Pray that my baby sleeps well and doesn't miss me. Pray that my husband has the strength to play supportive role along with mommy-role, husband-role and still maintain not only his job but our household while I am gone. They ARE lucky to have me. Pray that I will believe that, but be able to release myself from that burden so that I can heal.

OH! OK explain this... they need me to be completely dried out, but the quickest and most efficient way to extract radiation from the body (kellymom.com) is to pump it out.

Back to the subject, God really does provide.

Mooo

Stress leads to less production... even if you are pumping every 3 hours apparently.

I am frustrated. I am pumping every 3 hours to try to increase my supply but I am still stuck at 35 oz. I have a let down (sure enough) just about the time that 3 hours approaches... but I am not INCREASING.

Advice is MORE than welcomed!

I am not donating that last 800 ounces. It will only last my baby a month... and I need a solid 3 months worth to get him to 1 year. I dreaded and feared this day and even through *fish and loaves* I still feel panicked. Very panicked.

Infant Heimlich just saved my baby's life

Good Grief, Crisis-Mode-Overload.

Really, God. What next? I'm ready.

My favorite girlfriend called this morning to take our babies to the library for infant nursery rhyme time. 10 minutes before needing to leave, Atlas had a blow out. I took off his shoes and socks and darted with him back to the changing table, ripped off the fluffy cover and set him down. I handed him his changing table finger puppet. It is big enough to play with, but not when he is by himself... I feel like I can watch him closely while changing him. I get his onesie and pants off and then his diaper. I am starting to wipe him when his mouth becomes this open cave and he starts gasping.

He has done this before and I generally sit him up and watch him eye-to-eye to reassure him. It generally calms him and he takes a breath or swallows or does what he needs to do to to catch his breath. Poopie butt and all he is sitting and he is NOT breathing. I lean him forward and not even with my dominant arm I pound on his back 3 times hard. He starts crying. Whew! Right? no. I stand him up and hug his naked poopie self and then realize it isn't over. I sat him back down and looked into his mouth and saw something square and white. I reached my finger back to grab it and I think I pushed it down because he took a breath and I heard it flap. Mommy-instinct took over without my conscious help. I flipped him over my arm that I had used to pound on him the first time and used my dominant hand to thrust against his bare back. He immediately began throwing up. He didn't throw up much, but it was enough to dislodge and expel a small piece of packaging tape.

Earlier I had opened a package of Christmas gifts I had been waiting on. I had no idea anything had fallen off. He wasn't even near the box!

I took a babysitting class when I was a teen, I have taken CPR classes throughout my life. Never expecting to use it and even a little unsure that I would even remember what to do. And honestly, I'm not sure I remembered what to do. It just happened. Praise God! Nothing in my life has ever scared me as bad as seeing that look on my precious baby's face.

Needless to say, we needed more than a baby wipe after all that. So we went and played in the bath tub while we called daddy... and canceled library story time. Mommy is in no place to drive right now. 

Infant Heimlich techniques

Jesus Take the Wheel

Surely with all the milk I produce it is just that the doctor wants to meet and discuss my abnormally well functioning Thyroid.

I had a lump biopsied Tuesday (11/30/10)... just as a precaution. My doctor has been telling me for 2 years that it is probably nothing, it is smooth not ridged and it hasn't really changed in size. But I have a baby now and a wonderful marriage. No use in risking anything.

I was told the hospital lab would take 2 days and then the Ears/Nose/Throat doctor would look at it and get back to me 2 days after that. I called on Monday and they said everything looked benign, but lets set up an appointment for Wednesday. Today is Wednesday (12/8/10)

No news is good news... moving my appointment up 3 weeks seemed concerning, but they said benign.

Today
"Occational groups of atypical follicular cellular, characterized by longitudinal nuclear grooves, and fine nuclear chromatin. The background demonstrates hemosiderin-containing macrphages and scant colloid. The finds are suspicious for a thyroid neoplasm, possibly a cystic papillary carcinoma."

Love the run-on sentences. It might be cancer.

I can have part of my thyroid removed, but the doctor recommends all of it. If part is removed and it turns out to be cancer, then all of it has to come out.

This is a very slow growing cancer and could take years to effect me... but he says not to wait more than a month or two.

I have spent my life worrying about my metabolism and my hormones. I have had to take anti depressants. None of that could have caused this, it could be genetic... but no one in my family has had this problem. I will have to take pills every day for the rest of my life.

I'm not ready to stop breastfeeding. I'm not. I wont be able to reach my newest donation goal. But I do intend to live forever. And I will still be able to nurse my baby.

The Day I Watched God Work

I held a baby yesterday. I fed him from a bottle. He is 6 months old and loves to eat, he is a tiny little baby but he is healthy and beautiful. The bottle was mine, the milk was mine, the baby was not.

It is hard to write about this because I don't want to sound prideful ain any way. I know my gift is from God alone and nothing I could do would have given it to me any other way.

When Atlas was born I knew I wanted to pump and save whatever I could. I knew too many people who had had production issues and I did not want to be one of them. I also was determined to nurse MY baby for at least a full year. With much work and dedication I have pumped and donated over 5500 ounces to Get PUMPed. I still have another 800 ounces (and growing) in my freezer.

So one day I get an email forwarded to me from the director of Get PUMPed. It is from a mom who is grateful for the organization. Her baby can't stomach any other mom's milk my mine. He is fussy and pukey and has skin issues with the other milk... but not mine. He can't even tolerate formula... but loves my milk. My milk has kept this tiny little precious gift from God alive and healthy. I burst into tears and tried to explain to my husband who was instantly concerned with what was wrong. He had to come read over my shoulder.

The first time I donated, I cried. I was giving away all this nourishment that God had Blessed me with... all of this that was supposed to be for MY baby. I was taking it from MY baby. Depriving him of something meant specifically for him. But those tears were quickly dissolved at my next pumping... yeah, my baby would always have enough. More fish and loaves. And believe me, I dont know where it comes from. I was a glorified A-cup.. padding and underwires required. These days I wake up and am practically nursing on them myself.

On Monday, I get a call from the director of Get PUMPed. They want to meet me. I dropped everything and said YES!YES!!YES!!! We met Tuesday at 2.

Their older son walked in first. I have never met such an eloquent person in my life, and here was this bright and brilliant 10 (today) year old. He was charming! And then I met Baby J and his parents.

I have never felt eyes on me like I did that day. The dad just looked at me like I had done something amazing. He looked at me with awe. I have preformed my whole life on stages for recitals and plays and never had a reaction like that. I was a little bit uncomfortable. Basically I see pumping as something I have to do. It is just part of my day, not a big deal.. but to them, it gave them a life. Even my husband told me as we left that what I did WAS actually amazing to him.

Our babies looked at each other. They are Milk Brothers and will always have that in common. Who else do you know has a relationship like that? I hope they will know each other forever.

I held this little boy with my first bottle ever, of my milk, and fed this baby. My baby wont take a bottle... we are on to sippy cups when he needs a little extra fluids, but otherwise he is a boob-baby. Baby J was so calm and just looked all around. He was peaceful. I asked if he needed to burp, and with my milk they said he doesn't. Which is weird. My baby has never had to either. I hugged this baby and he hugged me back. I fell in love. This family is a good Christian, God loving family. They are missionaries who are helping children in other countries. They are just beautiful and I could not have handpicked them ... my milk would not have been worthy of them. But for some reason it is. I am so Blessed to know that I have helped them in such a way. Something so easy and comes so naturally for me, has meant so much to someone else.

It's really hard for me to wrap my mind around. It is just to big for me. I am just honored I get to be a part it.

(Atlas is still dressed for Santa, we had pictures earlier in the day)

Health Scare

It's been a while since I posted. Atlas is 8 months old and has NOT been vax'd yet at all, he will be in the next few week, but just Polio to start with. He is healthly, crawling, 4 teeth, pulling up, trying to walk, saying "Kitty," has said MOM and DADA... and we are ECing.

Elimination Communication (EC) is a mom potty-training ... so far I catch his cues frequently, he also catches mine... he is on the potty 3-4 times a day and is successful almost every time. He has mastered the "squeeze squeeze squeeze" and generally CAN squeeze out a tiny little poopie at least.

Now lets talk about me.

I have a bump on my neck and it has been there 2 years or more.. My doctor felt it, said lets watch it, let me know if you get worried, so far so good... fast forward 2 years... I have a baby and I go back to her. She says it has not changed, it is smooth, same size-ish, not causing me pain or discomfort, I swallow normal ect. Again.. nothing to worry about, but I do, that's who I am.

She sends me to have an ultra sound and they now send me to a specialist (ears nose throat Dr.) . I go to him, he sends me to get a biopsy... I go. The Dr dude is younger than me... wth?!?! I feel old. He stabs me in the neck with lanocaine. Ouch! Bee Sting! Then he takes 3 samples. The lab guy who is in the room says the second sample is not very good... he stabs me with a 22 vs 25 needle and gets more. My neck is numb but I can feel him aiming for it. He has the ultrasound wand pushing against the other side for leverage and he had to move the needle a bit to get to the right spot... bleh! Not painful, but creepy. I felt it. So everything looks good. He says that part of it was tissue and part fluid that is why it was tough.

Give it 2 days the lab guy would get it back to my Dr; give him 2 days and if I havent heard back then "no news is good news" (my appt was December 31st) otherwise I can call if I am worried. I call this morning (4 work days later) and leave a message. I go about my day and forget about it. My family heads out for a walk after dinner at 6:30 and my phone rings.

The lady tells me the "nodule" is indeed a tumor. It is likely benign, but the dr may want more tests, they want to reschedule my appt for as soon as possible...On their schedule that is Wednesday at noon. I hav eno idea what the difference is in a nodule and a tumor... if you know PLEASE comment!

This freaks me out bc you cant give out bad news on the phone.. you aren't technically allowed to give ANY news over the phone. The fact that they would encourage me to come back in regardless of the fact the secretary called me back in... that is something to worry about.

I was pretty OK for the first 2 hours, then my husband went to bed and I kind of freaked out a tad bit. We had a girlfriend come over when Atlas was several weeks old. She meant no harm but jokingly told me, "I could run off with this sweet thing, and he would never remember you." That stuck with me.

Also I am still donating 40 ounces a day to GetPUMPedOnline.org... Atlas isnt on ANY solids yet.. not until Christmas day and 9 months old. I am not ready to be put on medications or anything weird... I dont want to stop nursing... It is all frustrating for me.

Today (Tuesday) is a great day... Atlas is having his 8 month pictures taken with Santa at Target and then we are going to meet Atlas' Milk Brother, Josiah. It is a pretty special day.

Please say a prayer for our family. Thanks!

Life Begins at Home

This is very much how we started out.. Birth at home? No way!! Apparently others "start out" that way too.

Life begins at home

Reporter and wife choose home birth to the astonishment of man

Read more: http://www.nsnews.com/health/Life+begins+home/3684754/story.html#ixzz12lAW1dTH

Preparing baby #1 for a homebirth and baby #2

Nope. I am NOT pregnant... but this might be a good book for Atlas when we decide to have a #2.

We're Having a Homebirth!! Children's Book Post by Peaceful Parenting

Click the link and check out the site... she has a giveaway coming up soon for that book! As for me, it's going on our Amazon Christmas list!

A few rantings

Oh so many things on my mind and I just wish I had time to rant on them all!

But until I find time to dissect them individually, here is the run down...


Home Births Under Fire by Jennifer Block

• “Women are not merely participants in this process, we are the process. All women want to have healthy babies.” Indeed, a recent survey of women who planned home births found that their primary reason for doing so is precisely the thing they are accused of blowing off: safety.
• Much like the woman in this article, I NEVER imagined I would be having a home birth. But researching everything I have seen since... I will NEVER do it any other way assuming I don't have any complications.
• I encourage everyone to look into it. YES it is scary. VERY. But so was birth in general. Having control of where I was and where I moved and how I moved and what I ate or drank helped keep things in MY ball park and without that control over myself, I would have been an anxious, hyper, upset woman.

Humana Helps Similac Advertise to Their Subscribers by the Feminist Breeder

• O.M.G! I can't make this stuff up. 
• A recent Humana Health Insurance “Smart Summary” statement, which they describe as the “Family’s personal health finance and benefits statement.”
• ATTENTION INSURANCE AGENCIES: It would cost everyone less if you would encourage breast feeding! 1. It's FREE. 2. It's proven to be healthier than formula. 3. It's proven it will reduce future health issues. 
• TFB includes pictures if you don't believe me.

I know there were other articles I was recently ticked off about, but right now they escape me and my baby is under furniture, so I will have to get back to you on that.

What's wrong with these posts?!

From an email I got today from Babycenter.com... Of course I clicked each link.

• Everything you need to know about vaccines
• 5 surprising stories about vaccines
• Is it better to delay some shots?

 The thing is, every last one of them was about GETTING the shots asap. My DH thinks it is a conspiracy theory that so many people "are making excuses as to why to NOT get the shots" ... for f'n real. Even the link about DELAYING says that "but an infant is so much more susceptible to all these things that are going to kill them." If you are keeping your kid out of the sun (as dr recommended) for the first 6 months, then how much chance do they have at contracting HepB?! Really? 

Of course I know that is not how you get HepB. I just think that getting some of these shots are just as logical as that statement.


HEY!!! Make sure to read Babycenter for EVERYTHING you need to know about vax.  Then shoot me please. The conspiracy theory isn't in those not wanting to shoot up their kids with chemicals.


If I even have any readers at this point.. what are YOUR thoughts on these links?

Your OB said WHAT?!!?1

For poopy diapers and giggles... did your OB say anything like these things? This would make me mad if it weren't so damn asinine. 
~My OB said WHAT!?!?

Sticks & Stones

Parents, please don't "break" your children!

Do you not understand that anger is almost always an emotion for people who wish to control others while simultaneously failing to control themselves?

~ Single Dad Laughing

Shocking.simply.shocking.

Pit to Distress

Which came first? Passion or Compassion?!

Which came first? Were you PASSIONATE about something... or did you find that COMPASSION moved you to where you ended up... and THEN became passionate?

I must say that I never meant to offend anyone when proclaiming what I believe... my beliefs are my research.... it is a work in progress.

I've been having lots of playdates lately... A girlfriend called me today to make sure she hadn't offended me with something she said. Sleep deprived and sweaty I didnt notice. But when she asked me, she brought up another point.

Last week 4 of us got together with our 4 babies - 2 have done circumcisions, 2 had started selective vax, 1 was on track with vax, 1 has not yet started vax. Some of us started talking about vaccinating... and the one that was on track apparently felt like we were saying that our studies were superior and it made her feel like a bad mom.

OMG HOW AWEFUL OF US!!!

Another girlfriend of mine called me several weeks ago and said she respected my SELECTIVE stance, but "by all means, get the flu shot...." I kindly told her ~ "No thank you. You need to get it, you are a nurse.. I am a stay at home mom... We will be OK."

And I meant it, which made me feel bad for making someone think we considered her a "bad mommy." Of course it is not an easy decision, but it is YOUR decision. You are no better or worse of mom than myself for makign a choice for your family.

I would HATE for anyone to assume that my opinions are anything more than simply opinions. No mom takes on the job and thinks.. "hey, I want to hurt my baby."

Sometimes our passion for a topic not only over shadows our friend's concerns... but blinds us from realizing we may be hurting them.

So which came first? Your own Passion for a subject or the need to feel Compassion for others?

Of course I have a job. I'm a mom.

A woman, renewing her Drivers' License at the Motor Registration Office, was asked by the counter clerk to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the counter clerk, "do you have a job or are you just a ...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Medicare Office.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid-air, looking up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mum." Motherhood!

What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

To My Child (Just For Today)

Just for this morning I am going to smile when I see your face, and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning I will let you wake up softly in your flannel p.j.'s and hold you until you are ready to stir.

Just for this morning I will let you choose what you want to wear, and I will say how beautiful you are.

Just for this morning I will step over the laundry to pick you up, and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle together.

Just for this afternoon I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the garden blowing bubbles.

Just for this afternoon I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one, if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or how you might have been before your diagnosis.

Just for this afternoon I will let you help me make cookies, and I won't stand over you....trying to fix things.

Just for this afternoon I will take you to McDonalds and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have two toys.

Just for this evening I will hold you in my arms and tell you the story of how you were born and how much we love you.

Just for this evening I will let you splash in the bathtub, and I won't get angry when you pour water outside the tub.

Just for this evening I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch swing and count all the stars.

Just for this evening I will bring you glasses of water and snuggle beside you for hours and miss my favourite TV show.

Just for this evening, when I run my fingers through your hair as I pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you goodnight, I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing.... except just one more day.

A touchy subject

Let me just get it out of my system to say that personally I believe that circumcision is barbaric. That being said, it is common place and actually quite a lot easier to keep clean than the connected foreskin.

So I was reading this article about it and the history of it and found this VERY interesting...

Once upon a time, circumcision was thought to reduce masturbation as well as cancer and mental disorders – but this has all been thoroughly disproven. In Western medicine, it gained popularity during the turn of the 20^th century, and was usually performed without anaesthesia. At this time, it was considered to be a sign of social status, as it indicated a baby was birthed by a doctor rather than a midwife, indicating a 'well-to-do' willy. These spurious claims and social conventions started to drop in popularity during the 20^th century, then in 1971, the Australian Paediatric Association adopted an anti-circumcision policy after disproving many of the false medical beliefs. It is not covered by Medicare.

Where to start with any of this?!?!

First of all masturbation!? REALLY!?!? That starts while they are still in diapers, has nothing to do with being clipped or not. And why should any person be denied the ability to make themselves feel good. Sure there is a time and place for everything, but they learn that just like they learn their ABCs.. and at about the same time.

Without anesthesia... what part of this doesn't scream barbaric!? They use a topical pain reliever cream these days, but don't tell me it doesn't hurt even then. I don't have one and never have, but I scream bullsh!t.

I HAVE a midwife... And I am PROUD to have a midwife!! I HAVE a doula... And I am PROUD to say that she is getting certified as a licensed midwife and I couldn't be happier for her! If circumcision is a "social status" thing... that no one will ever see except (hopefully) his future wife.. then I would rather a social status of a tattoo on his forehead saying "Gently Born at Home."

Oh and NO insurance.. not just medicare, covers it. $250 out of pocket. Period.

All this being said... there are bigger issues to fight over. Vax!? Yeah, so I handed this decision over to daddy. I tried to encourage him to study how it is done and the different type of instruments, even tried to get him to watch the videos. None of those things happened and I stood in the waiting room unable to hold my baby's hand while he was screaming bloody murder for being away from his mommy at 1-day-old for the first time ever while being strapped down and cut, unable to tell us if the topical cream was really working or not... and there was nothing I could do. He's alive and he is healthy. And THAT is the bigger picture, and probably the outcome to either direction we could have gone. It is such a touchy and personal decision. And both choices SUCK.

::steps off soap box::

The Art of Peaceful Parenting

This is a great article! No time to post all about it, but it is about Boob Juice and watching your language. You don't want to under hype something and you don't want to over hype something and you certainly don't want to push guilt onto others. We may be a bit crunchy, but we aren't hateful and don't want to discourage the art of trying again! Go HERE

The power of Mommy's touch

Just wow... Go HERE to read how a mother's love and skin-to-skin-hold revived her 27 week preemie twin. I have chills. Can you imagine if they had simply taken the "dead baby" away to the morgue... he would have certainly died.

SPF and Baby

OK a subject I know NOTHING about! I have lived in Florida almost my entire life so life without sunscreen is really not an option. I didn't realize sunblock and sunscreen were different things though! Did you?

One is oil based and sits on your skin, one has to be absorbed into your skin. Kinda makes me want to throw up. Last time I slathered oil on my skin was in my teens when I thought it was cool to get as brown as I could. I am paying for that mistake... but I also don't want chemicals to be absorbed into my skin.

Add Baby to the equation... oh dear! I generally just keep Atlas well covered in clothes, but when we are just out taking a walk and he is strapped to me, his legs and arms still get a lot of sunshine! The one day we went to the beach for a birthday party I DID put a thick layer all over him.. but we also got in the pool almost immediately, so I am sure it washed off pretty quick, the pool was also in the shade, so that probably helped.

I stumbled across this blog that talks about the different sunscreens, and she reviews a TON of natural ones! It is all just more information than I can absorb (har har) right now.

What do you use, when did you start using it... should I REALLY be concerned?

Relactating - Getting Baby Back to Breast

I am not speaking from personal experience. But I am researching this and I would LOVE comments from you!

A girlfriend of mine recently told me that she was breastfeeding when she got a clogged duct which lead to an infection and pain and cracked nipples and to ending her breast feeding experience of her now 2 month old. It sounded like she was sad about it, and vaguely mentioned relactating. So I looked it up. I had heard of some women who adopt and breastfeed. OMG, right? That's cool!

On week #2 after Atlas was born my left side went flat. Like, pancake flat. There was nothing coming out of it no matter how hard I tried. I called my doula and my midwife who told me to start Fenugreek and keep a pump on it every time Atlas nursed from the other side. For me, that worked. The bottle of Fenugreek says to take one pill twice a day. I have heard of women taking as many as 3 pills, 3 times a day. I took two a day  for about a week and even now I take 2-3 pills a week, but once my supply was back I wasn't needing to rely on Fenugreek. I was luckly. To this day (4 months pp) I am pumping 20-35 ounces EXTRA a day and donating to Get PUMPed (they provide milk to Central Florida babies in extraordinary circumstances.) So that is my only personal experience with milk issues.. that, and I wake up nearly nursing on them myself each morning and when I pump at 5am I get 20+ ounces each time!

So I started looking for resources and groups to help encourage my girlfriend, if she was interested. You have to be careful. I don't want anyone thinking that I am a know-it-all and that I think EVERYONE can breastfeed and if they cant then they are being lazy and not sticking it out. Nope, that is not what I want to sound like. One of my lifelong best friends was unable to BF due to PPD, and a happy and healthy mommy makes a happy and healthy baby regardless of where that nourishment is coming from. The alternative can be detrimental.

So I went to BabyCenter and searched for a group and found one! ONLY ONE. Which kinda shocked me... are there really that many people who have to stop and never look to start back up? Does our society just say its now or never and once you stop it's over? It doesn't have to be! How awesome is that?! You can relactate and get back to that intimate bonding with baby!!

Anyone have an experience like this they can share?

Also, if you are looking for baby clubs and free baby coupons, check out THIS POST for a round up of a bunch of them!

Daily Giggle...

Baby Wearing

Did you know there are actually people out there that don't do this?

Freed up hands?! Why the heck would you NOT do it?
"You'll spoil them." Really? Here I thought that was the smell of milk that squirted on his head this morning.

The thought never crossed my mind. I merely thought "Ahhh less crap to lug around... and he is much calmer when I am holding him anyhow."

I was given 3 baby carriers during baby showers... Infantino, Baby Bjorn, and Lillebaby. This is my review.

Brand new baby doesn't fit in Infantino, he fell to one said then the other, not a snug fit, but the most comfortable material by far, very flexible. Now that he is bigger it is a very soft fit, but I cant bend down very well without holding onto the baby.

Baby Bjorn... I never could figure out how to put that thing on, too many straps and it only carried up to about 20 lbs. Returned... SORRY if you are reading this!! We DID register for it and the store credit we got from returning it has lasted us MONTHS!

I figured this next was just like the Baby Bjorn... nope. Lillebaby is wonderful and very few straps, only 2 have to be unsnapped to get myself and the baby into and out of it!

HOWEVER... I bought my Moby Wrap from my midwife a few weeks after Atlas was born. Suddenly I was not confined to a chair or walking a straight line! I immediately cleaned my house and went for a walk! And ya know what, he fell asleep. When we started having trouble going down for the night, I sat with him in the Moby and he would fall right asleep! It also keeps people from grabbing and touching your baby because he is strapped to you and can be enclosed if need be... Also, holds a child up to 50-60 lbs.. I assume maybe even larger, but people dont generally carry 8 year olds around. Did I mention I even looked up how to nurse in a Moby and that worked too!

My favorite kid carrier is the Moby! I am not sure how to work a sling...

Tandum Nursing

The whole idea seems to be beneficial. No one ever told me I could potentially nurse through pregnancy plus nurse and infant with my toddler. I have heard of women losing their milk... but I pump up to 30 oz a day ALONG WITH feeding my baby.. I might not have a problem.

Then I see this picture HERE and I am a little torn. I CAN see the beauty in it... but then I see never enjoying my own breasts again... or allowing my husband to at least. well he aint a "boob guy" anyhow.

What are your thoughts on this article?

Firing your doctor

My cousin sent me this link. It made me laugh. On top of being extremely frugal (beadandelion.blogspot.com) I also have an adoration for Clark Howard and he always says that if you don't like what a company who works for YOU does... fire them. He is particularly fond of firing phone companies. However THIS article talks about being fired by your doctor simply because you aren't succumbing to his quick and simple birth surgery.

This woman just wanted to have a VBAC. As long as she isn't high risk and didn't have serious problems with the first CS and the healing process, then the risk is virtually nil. But sure, we like gore and being scared and watching horror movies and riding roller coaster. So when they tell us we will split open and then bleed to death or not be able to have another child, we fear and we give in.

Read THIS article on Newsweek: A Change Of Delivery - More women want to be able to have a baby naturally, even if they've had Caesareans. Research backs them up—so why won't doctors?

C-Section Rates - Finally MSM gets it... I think

Well, at least ABC News is beginning to recognize that the rising rate of cesarean birth is ridiculous.

This is the second time in as many months that ABC has reported this on their news, as if no one knew. Those of us who are actually proactive in our birth plans know. And it is shocking, to me at least, that anyone would opt for a CS when they didn't need one. It's like anti-depressants, you merely have to ask your doctor for it and they write up the script for you. Trust me, I know. (But I promise I never abused it.. I hated the feeling of needing a mind suppressant.)

C-Section Births Hit Record High; Most Common Surgery in U.S. Hospitals

It is now the most common surgical procedure in American hospitals: one in every three babies in the U.S. now come into the world by caesarian section. According to a new report released Tuesday from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's National Center for Health Statistics, the C-section rate rose by 53 percent between 1996 and 2007.

Watch the video, the doctor talks about it not being a big deal and he says in his hospital it is about 2/3rd of women.

The little man surgery

Oh it is nice that there is a father here. Otherwise the debate with myself would be horrible. Men play dumb.. what you don't know wont hurt you. But women are nosey by nature and want the details no matter the gore.

My husband wants nothing to do with researching HOW it is done or with what. Me, I searched and even watched the videos. Barbaric.

But I told him early on this was a "Daddy-decision." And Daddy made the decision without hesitation. However I was the one who made the phone calls and set up the interviews. And in those interviews it was important to me to know what tools were used. Of course I want to like the doctor too. But we are going to use my family doctor for our baby boy's doctor.

We've been to meet and greet with two offices. The first one uses the bell device and we got a mere wave from the actual doctor as we were toured by. The second one uses the Gomco clamp but the actual doctor toured us and was super pleasant. For the record, I think the bell seems more humane and clean. I want a clear cut without a lot of tugging and I just feel that with the clamp, there is more movement which might allow more chances to slip or tear. But that is just MY observation.

I looked to post pictures... but I cant find any that are detailed enough to show you anything. Just google them.

We have one more pediatrician to interview. I don't think Daddy will make it to that one since he'll be at work. So I will have to report back.

I did learn that the pediatricians will not require the HepB (the first shot) at the circumcision appointment... as long as that is the "first" appointment. They said that would just be too traumatic. uhhh-huhhhh... and why is that? Barbarianism and toxins?

Tell me you're kidding...

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the babycenter.com website. Honest. What I don't love is the (actual) conspiracy theory that we must vaccinate against every thing. My husband says it is a conspiracy theory the rest of us have against shooting up our infants. Nononono... so contraire.

THIS is from my daily newsletter from BabyCenter:
Is your child getting the right shots at the right time? A new vaccine schedule has just been released by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the American Academy of Family Physicians. There's also big news about Autism and the MMR vaccine.

As if 34 shots aren't enough... Now my son needs HPV by 9 years old? I'm sorry, it is not a helicopter parent to merely know what your 9 year old IS OR ISN'T doing, that is simply being a parent of a 9 year old.

A suggestion that a three-dose series of the HPV4 vaccine can be given to boys between 9 and 18 years old to prevent genital warts.

It might be a different story when he is 17, but being that the HPV isn't even available to anyone over 25, makes you wonder why we should give it to kids? No, really... I asked about it several years ago and my doctor told em I was too old anyhow.

One more study finds that the measles vaccine -- given alone or as part of the measles, mumps and rubella (MMR) vaccine -- does not increase the risk of autism in children.

Were we really in debate of the ACTUAL "MEASLES" vaccine or was it everything else in it? hmmm. Measles won't kill you.

Why does a newborn need HepB?

It's a real question?

How do you get it? Possible forms of transmission include (but are not limited to) unprotected sexual contact, blood transfusions, re-use of contaminated needles & syringes, and vertical transmission from mother to child during childbirth. (Wikipedia)

Dunno about you, but I am free and clear of any diseases. My child will not be having unprotected sex at 2 months old (can't say I can stop him at 17, but I have a long time before I have to start worrying about that, 17 years and 6 weeks hopefully.) God willing, my child won't need any blood transfusions, but if he does, we will worry about contamination at that point. No need taking Tylenol before you have a headache, right?

My Cousin Jennifer posted a link to Ian's Story. He was given the shot and died a horrible painful death. Sure, not all babies will have a negative reaction, in fact, probably very few. But if Ian was your son, you would sure have wished you didn't get vaccines you might not have needed. In fact, you might even question all vaccines.

If you don't question them all, you might as well be letting a stranger feed your newborn. I mean, really... you know as much of what they are putting in your baby as you know of what the doctors are putting in him.

I'm not saying DON'T vaccinate at all. Do your own study. BUT DO YOUR OWN STUDY!

Random Musing

When I was a child... We had a van and when we went on road trips I took my imaginary friends with me... The Littles.

I loved it... they fit in my pocket and no one knew they were there... they were my little secret. Invisible as they were, they were still all mine. My little buddies to carry with me whenever. All I needed was a pocket or a shoulder for them to sit on.

It's kinda silly, but I LOVE being pregnant for that reason... I carry my little buddy with me all the time and he is all mine for several more weeks.. except when I wonder if he is off exploring or being chased by big mean cats, I can put my hand on him and know he is still there.

Anne Geddes says: Babies, they are like little balls of magic!

I LOVE my little bump of magic!

Stem Cell Research - Embrionic is murder. Period.

The subject matter changed my life. I was certain I was destined to go to California for acting. Not a doubt lingering. I had my bags ready. Then Arnold S. (I wont even try to spell his last name) allowed Proposition 71 to pass in California and I said to Hell with them. my tax paying dollars will NOT support the murder of children. I spent 3 days crying and praying. Then I turned to talk radio. If I really wanted to make any difference, then I wanted it to be something I believed in.

(PS - Don't miss the next article down, as Prop 71 may now be nixed!!!)

I wrote this back in 2005 when I was an intern for Syndicated News Talker Neal Boortz out of WSB Radio, Cox Radio Inc. Atlanta, Ga.

Aug 2, 2005
HEATHER'S CORNER!

Here are some musings from our intern, Heather Jackson. Now ... let's make it clear here, I don't particularly agree with what she's written. The idea that we shouldn't expand stem cell research to using embryonic stem cells because that research hasn't yet produced any results is, to me, just a wee bit absurd. Hey, you have a choice here. Throw those embryos away, or use them for research. To me, the choice is clear. Heather thinks otherwise. So .... Let's set her up on a pedestal here and see what happens! - Neal Boortz

Vein-ly Induced Life

Stem cell research began back in the sixties, since then it has never 'cured' any disease. Canadian scientists Ernest McCullock and James Till, trained in hematology and biophysics, discovered that stem cells help to regenerate damaged tissues and organs. Together they discovered that if they injected mice with bone marrow cells that a nodule that was produced in their spleen came about as a direct reaction to the marrow growing a stem cell, or that which was proportionate to the amount injected. These men moved on to researching cures for cancer specific to leukemia and variations of it. Chemotherapy treatment for cancer will kill off the stem cells needed to help produce the red and white blood cells.

The debate over stem cells is not that the study should stop, but a debate over the sources for the extraction. There are three types of stem cells, but I am choosing to focus on the source of them and how the life is affected by their removal with adult and embryonic stem cells. Adult cells can come from bone marrow, cadavers and umbilical cords. Embryonic stem cells come from fertilized human eggs at a stage where they consist of 50-150 cells. Adult stem cells do not hinder growth if removed, whereas embryonic stem cells will kill the embryo that it is being taken from. Since there is debate over when life actually begins, I am convinced that a seed from a tree is also alive the second it starts to grow within its seed coat.

Cord blood has been extracted since 1988, from umbilical cords. Even though it is from a newborn baby, the cells are matured and called adult stem cells. These are being used in treatment of Gunther's disease, hinter syndrome, Hurler syndrome, acute lymphocytic leukemia and many other problems with children. In 2004, South Korea credited them with helping a woman with a spinal injury to walk again, but I only found a couple one-sided sources to verify this.

These stem cells can be extracted from a living person as well as a dead one. Studies have shown the highest concentration of matured stem cells come from cadavers. Other studies have used stem cells extracted from umbilical cords. Like blood, we each have our own variety; like DNA, common cells between people are rare unless from the same blood line. Therefore the cells from your own umbilical cord are a direct match for your own stem cells. It's too bad that we have not been saving umbilical cord blood for more than 17 years. If you are reading this, we can assume that your parents did not have the option to save yours, however now you can request it be saved for your own children, at a substantial cost.

In 2001, President Bush assigned around 30 million tax payer dollars to embryonic specific stem cell research. Our hard earned money was being used by the government to purchase and dissect fertilized eggs (blastocyst) from fertility clinics that no longer need to store them. Three years later Bush ended the funding when he realized that it wasn't a lack of funding or availability that prevented finding a use for stem cells, rather the fact that they were useless in curing any potentially fatal disease. This did not, nor does it currently, restrict private funding if someone feels the need to donate or contribute to it.

Limits are pushed on issues everyday and eventually things that were taboo will be commonplace. In my own (and vastly supported) ideas, once we allow any type of embryonic stem cell research, they will have to wait for more and more mature embryos. In fact, they will one day be so mature that there will be no denying on any side whether or not it was an aborted fetus. Of course, that is assuming they aren't already being bought for adult stem cell research. Allowing federal funding means that one day we will be paying abortion clinics for the later and later developed fetuses. This will make the abortion taboo less of a reason to avoid it as long as the baby is used for science. It would be a 'gift' of life, rather than an abortion, right? No one should be able shirk responsibility and have the easy out of scientific use. And don't write to me about the people who are victims of rape and incest, they only make up less than 1% of abortions.

Neither side is going to change their stance on abortion. You either feel strongly on one side or the other. Sometimes arguing with someone about the value of life is like "trying to teach a pig to sing....it's a waste of your time and it annoys the pig." My biggest problem is those people who support this are trying to make me pay for it. In 1997 Clinton banned cloning in saying that "any effort in humans to transfer a somatic cell nucleus into an enucleatered egg involves the creation of an embryo, with the apparent potential to be implanted in utero and developed to term." About eight months after Bush came into office he put a ban on 'future' stem cell research, being stem cell sources that came about after his policy came into effect. Then in 2004, President Bush signed a law into place that prevents tax payer's mandatory support of such studies . But Proposition 71, passed this last November in California, went against the federal law that Bush had signed now stating that California tax payers money would contribute to 3 billion dollars over the next 10 years, not to mention the interest on that which nearly doubles it. Yes, you Californians get to pay for something you may not support while the rest of us don't. Thank a rino.

Stem cell research has recently come back into the spot light since another politician has apparently become a flip-flopper, meet Sen. Bill Frist. Just before the elections he was debating with Sen. John Edwards against Edwards' support of embryonic research claiming false hope. All of the sudden "it isn't just a matter of faith, it's a matter of science."  Make up your mind Senator.   Didn't you learn anything from Kerry's flip flopping loss?

Heather's Movie Review:

I am a self-proclaimed 'movie narcoleptic:' likely to fall asleep during any and all movies. So it was quite a feat that I actually made it to one yesterday, but for matters of relevance, I decided I had to do it. If you are Conservative and want to see a great movie, with time sensitive themes... you'll wonder how on earth this one managed to sneak out of Hollyweird... go see this movie! The Island is about a man who realizes that science and the gift of life from man, is likely not Utopic at all. Finally, a movie that will make you uncomfortable for all the Right reasons.

Embryonic Stem Cell Research Has Lost the Battle, California Was Its Waterloo

Embryonic Stem Cell Research Has Lost the Battle, California Was Its Waterloo

by Joe Carter
January 13, 2010

LifeNews.com Note: This opinion column originally appeared on the blog of First Things, a pro-life, Catholic publication founded by Father Richard John Neuhaus

The battle over embryonic stem cell research is over. A few skirmishes will no doubt continue -- perhaps even for years -- and some ESCR advocates will refuse to acknowledge defeat. But they have decisively lost. 
 
Years from now, when we look back in astonishment at having been fleeced for billions to pay for therapeutically worthless research, we'll recognize that California was the Waterloo for ESCR.

In 2004, California approved Proposition71, a ballot measure that would allow the state to borrow $3 billion for ESCR. At best the measure would have been an epic boondoggle: pharmaceutical companies would have been able to profit off the taxpayer-funded research without the state sharing any of the profits or even obtaining any of the developed drugs at a cheaper cost. 

But because it was considered a “progressive” measure (ESCR has always been a stalking horse for abortion rights) it received the support from a long list of billionaires, Silicon Valley tycoons, Nobel laureates, and Hollywood celebrities. Convinced that the only thing standing between science and cures was time and money, the citizens of California opened the state’s coffers.

But five years later, the hype has died down and ESCR has provided no cures, no therapies, no progress, and no hope. Investor’s Business Daily notes:

The California Institute for Regenerative Medicine, the state agency created to, as some have put it, restore science to its rightful place, is diverting funds from ESCR to research that has produced actual therapies and treatments: adult stem cell research. It not only has treated real people with real results; it also does not come with the moral baggage ESCR does.

To us, this is a classic bait-and-switch, an attempt to snatch success from the jaws of failure and take credit for discoveries and advances achieved by research Prop. 71 supporters once cavalierly dismissed. We have noted how over the years that when funding was needed, the phrase “embryonic stem cells” was used. When actual progress was discussed, the word “embryonic” was dropped because ESCR never got out of the lab.

Advocates of ESCR preyed on the scientific and ethical illiteracy of the general public to support the massive funding of this speculative research. The complexity of the issue and the peculiar terminology used often prevented many citizens from developing a fully informed opinion on the matter. 

They relied on the “experts” and the ESCR supporters took full advantage of this trust by making claims that had no basis in reality. 

As Ronald D.G. McKay, a stem cell researcher at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, said in 2004 about the claims that ESCR could lead to cures for Alzheimer’s, “To start with, people need a fairy tale. Maybe that’s unfair, but they need a story line that’s relatively simple to understand.”

The truth about ESCR wasn't unknown to researchers and scientists. The only legitimate practical (though it remained unethical) reason for pursuing ESCR has always been basic research. Researchers know, however, that you'll never get a grant for millions of dollars because you find stem cells intriguing and want to spend your life studying them in a lab. So they stretched the truth by downplaying the fact that the barriers to therapeutic applications were all but insurmountable. 

They've always known, as MIT researcher James Sherley says, that, “Figuring out how to use human embryonic stem cells directly by transplantation into patients is tantamount to solving the cancer problem.”
Fortunately, the misinformation and false promises seem to be on the wane. Some politicians still continue to tout the benefits of ESCR, of course, because their ignorance is often as limitless as their willingness to talk about issues they know nothing about. 

(Digression: Several years ago I presented testimony on ESCR and cloning before the Illinois legislature. A Chicago Democrat told me I was wrong about ESCR because he knew that people had already been cured by injecting “embryos into a patient’s spinal cord.”) 

Scientists and researchers, however, appear to be less vocal than they were a few years ago. Perhaps the Climategate scandal has served as a warning that trust in science is destroyed when they are willing to deceive the public. 

This doesn't mean that they will be honest about their deception, of course. And we shouldn't expect the “ESCR has proven to be a failure” theme to be carried by the media. Despite the fact that adult stem cell research has provided 73 treatments for everything from heart disease to brain cancer while ESCR has never produced any results at all, ESCR will still be considered a “promising approach.” 

Like climate change, stem cell research is often more about politics than science, so as long as gullible politicians are willing to hand over millions in funding, supporters won't admit defeat.

Still, while the people of California may continue to throw their money away on the research, the real debate about the promise of ESCR is over. Whether they realize it or not, ESCR advocates have lost—and ethical research has won.

The Daily Chuckle

Amazing Birth Story - That involves the mid-wife I am using!!

Kellie Johnson from A Mother's Midwifery saved my baby's life.

I was planning a Homebirth VBAC a little over 2 years ago.  My pregnancy was so easy, and the appointments with Kellie were wonderful.  She was like a big sister who had been there, done that.  Nothing was overly medical or clinical.  Also, Kellie is a herbologist, so any colds or problems were treated homeopathically.

The day of labor, it was wonderful.  I labored middle of the night.  I called Kellie who came in about a half hour.  She was in the room knitting while I was in labor.  If a contraction got hard, she quietly reminded me to breath and relax.  Everything was going great.  Until... she heard a decelaration in the heartbeat.

Until that point, Kellie did not give me any internals.  I was starting to feel the urge to push when Kellie checked me.  Right when she did, my water broke.  Unfortunately, she got a handful of umbiblical cord - Cord Prolapse!

She told me to get on hands and knees.  She couldn't take her hand out of me because the baby would pinch the cord.  She intructed my husband to call the back-up ob (he has passed away from cancer since my daughter's birth).  Anyway, we went to the hospital, hands and knees with her hand inside.  If she didn't react quickly, the baby would have died or been brain damaged.  Although it was an emergency and handled as such, she kept me calm and was very reassuring.

She stayed with me while the baby was being born.  I was under anesthesia, but she was there for the baby.  She went with the baby to the nursery and made sure my wishes were carried out.  The next day, she showed up with flowers.  And afterwards, she didn't drop me.  She came back to my house for the check-ups and called to make sure I was ok.

She was absolutely wonderful.  And, I owe my daughter's life to her.  Please let me know if you have any questions or would like more info about her.

Thanks,

Tracy

(Permission to repost granted 01/01/10)